Week 38: A Week to Claim a Breakthrough

Hey, friends! Welcome to Week 38. First I want to give you an update on my life: The study I'm going through which is "A Call to Die" (see week 37) is going very well. I love it. I highly recommend it to anyone out there who is ready and willing to get closer to God, to do some serious soul searching, and to be challenged in a hard but amazing way.

Since this is the first time that I've made a big move like this, from Chicago to Boston, I really have nothing to compare it to. I find myself still missing home, wanting to go back, yet knowing that God has me here for a reason and that I need to trust Him. It's a crazy battle, believe me. I think about my friends Lisa, Amber, Rebecca, Meghan, Colleen, Everett, and a ton of other people who have made big moves, so I know that I'm not alone in that. Still the days are so up and down that sometimes I think I'm crazy! Plus, things are a little chaotic here with my bosses being sent to another Salvation Army and random other happenings that aren't ideal. I've been fighting off some depression and have fallen into it for a bit, but I see God slowly dragging me out of it, and I'm so grateful. It's one of those things where I know that no matter how lonely I get, God is with me, but sometimes it's hard to take that and have it be enough. I know that I try to be satisfied with junk and not God, and that will never work. Day 14 of my study was called "Too Full to Eat?" It was this eye opening chapter that God used to move me to action. I will summarize for you:

There is this guy Chris who served at The House of the Dying in Calcutta. Basically, Chris and the team went out onto the streets, picked people up who were dying, and brought them to this home where they would have a place to die with dignity. The workers loving and gently cared for these people. Chris would do just about anything, but he really didn't like to take out the garbage. These bags of garbage contained clothes stained with rotten flesh, hair shavings, used syringes, and scraps from the previous night's dinner. The first time Chris took out the garbage, kids came running up to the bag, tearing it open to look for scraps of food. And the kids at the food. Out of the disease filled garbage bag.

Gross, right? And that was only a summary...any way, the point was this: David Nasser writes, "Disturbing image, isn't it?! But in all honesty, how far are we from this spiritually? Can you see yourself feasting at the dumpster of this world?" Quite convicting, huh? We eat this "rotten food" every time we let ourselves be polluted by sin, by watching things we shouldn't, by gossiping, by putting others down, and "every time we try to put other things in God's place in our hearts." Needless to say, I read that day's chapter and couldn't help but to change some things in my life.

I woke up the next morning and went to work out. I am eating right, and I've decided to do my best to go to God for everything- when I'm upset and just want to go home, when I am lonely, when something great happens.

I know that a big part of me coming here to Quincy was so that God could really work on me, and believe me, He's been doing a lot. I refuse to leave this place without soaking up everything that God has for me here. I refuse to leave here and not go back home a transformed person. This summer is going to be a breakthrough in Amanda Keene's life. And this week, I am claiming that. With God's help, sin will be uprooted and thrown out and will be replaced with joy! I will walk in obedience which will lead to victory and freedom! The words of the song "Freedom" which Tanesha would sing at In-Fyuz keeps running through my head...

"I wanna lift my hands higher than before
I wanna love you more than before (oh!)
I wanna worship deeper than before
I've gotta shout louder...(oh!)

No more shackles, no more chains, no more bondage
I am free, yeah
No more shackles, no more chains, no more bondage
I am free, yeah
No more shackles, no more chains, no more bondage
I am free, yeah"

Oh, friends....just wait for it- I can already feel it....

This week is simply going to be moving forward with these changes, getting back on God's track for my life, and claiming that breakthrough in my life. As always, prayers are very very appreciated.

Week 37: A Week to Die

To describe the last two weeks, I would use two words: wonderful chaos. The last two weeks, I had visitors- first, my family and then friends from college and The Salvation Army. It was wonderful. I love my family so much, and it was so nice to spend a few days with them. Even my niece came. My goodness, she is growing up fast. I can remember being in the hospital waiting to see her for the first time…Now she’s a beautiful little girl, running full force into this crazy world we live in. We went on a Duck Tour (for those of you who would like to come to Boston, it’s one of those things you just have to do), went to some museums, played Apples to Apples (even Riley), and just enjoyed each other’s company. It was great. Then the day my family left, four friends came to visit: Danielle, Nate, Linda, and Tamara. That night the 5 of us, plus another friend Dave went out to eat at this place called “Fat Cat.” I think it was one of my favorite nights in Quincy so far. The place was awesome, and I had amazing friends around me- people who know me in and out and love me anyway. It was as if I could breathe again, and I felt “me” being released. Now, I want to stop here and say that I love Quincy. I love the people that I have met here, and I know that these types of genuine relationships happen over time. I hope that by the time I leave Quincy to head back to Chicago, I will have made these types of friends right here. It’s just not there yet. More about this later…

During my friends’ visit, there were many times I thought to myself. “How did we get here, God?” Danielle, Linda, my friends Colleen and Anita, and then myself were my group of friends in college. We’ve been through so much together, we’ve seen each other’s ugly sides, and experienced many joys in life together. I mean, we’ve truly shared life together. These girls are my sisters. In college, what we knew was constant in life was God and each other. I don’t think that has changed, but we are in such different places today. Danielle is married and finishing up school to be an Optometrist. Colleen who is all the way in Alaska as a nurse, is also married. Anita is in Med school, and she’s currently taking classes in Miami, Florida. Linda just graduated with her Masters in Psychology, is looking for a job, and has been through hell and back. And I’m here in Quincy, MA working for a Salvation Army. Crazy. We are all apart and finding friends where we are at, but we will always be sisters; we’ll always be connected. Sorry, I just had to share my thoughts. Change is one of those things that always throws me off, and it takes me a bit to process through. I guess the answer to the questions I posed at the beginning of this paragraph would simply be “God.” Tamara is a friend of Linda’s from grad school, and I didn’t know her before this trip, but God used her in great ways to speak truth into my life. As my friends headed back to Chicago, I felt at peace. I think it took a few visitors to help me see that I can do this. I can live by myself, I can take on this challenge from God, and I will turn out a better person for it.

This brings me to this week’s goal. This week is called “A Week to Die.” Side note that is related to the topic: I can see how many people view my blog. Thank you all, by the way, for reading. Something I found really interesting was that I had the most readers, by far, during “Identity Week.” I mean, the amount of people who have read that week’s posts is quite incredible, and I started to wonder why. This may sound silly, but we all have something in common: the fact that we go through life, and it’s hard. The end. We all have struggles of some kind, we all have at one point or another wondered about our identity and what that actually was, we all have things inside/outside of us that we wish wasn’t there or was there. I think that this week will be a little like Identity week in the sense that I am digging deep into who I am and then sharing some of that with you.

My best friend Lisa (I wish all of you had a best friend like her) told me about this book called “A Call to Die” by David Nasser. It’s “a 40 day journey of fasting from the world & feasting on God,” and Lisa went through it and said that it was life changing. So I ordered the book, and I decided that I would check it out. When it got here, I picked it up, opened it up, and immediately knew that this guy wasn’t joking around. Right before the book starts with Day 1, it reads: “Lord Jesus, I am responding to the call to die to my selfish desires because I want to really live. I know I cannot do this on my own. I want to know you, love you, and serve you with all my heart. I make this commitment to spend at least an hour each day for the next forty days to read, pray, think, memorize, and respond to your direction. As a symbol of my commitment to you, for the next forty days I will fast from: ________________________________ so that I may have greater focus and have the time to hear from you more clearly.” And then it gives you a place to sign and date.
Everything in that covenant rings true for me. I have crap in my life, sin, that I fall to time and time again, and I hate it because it hurts God. I don’t want it any more. I consistently put other things in front of God in my life which is idolatry. I know I’ve shared this before, but putting food before God is something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember, and I seriously want that gluttonous root to be pulled out of me. I’m finding comfort and intimacy through food when I should be finding that in God. I too often fall into temptation, and that’s not leading to a holy life. I confess this to you because I want it brought out into light, but also to let you know that you’re not alone if this is something you’re going through too.

I can’t be ok with this sin, so this week I’m starting this study for 40 days. I’m committing to taking an hour each day to spend with God. I decided to fast from movies/TV and secular music. Since I’ve moved here, I’ve spent a lot of time watching movies and catching up on my favorite TV series on Hulu. I’ve been wasting too much time on this, and I felt God pointing at that when I prayed about what to fast from. Plus, so many movies and TV series are filled with sex and violence which causes big temptations.

So that’s what’s up! For those of you who have my number, I’d appreciate accountability when you think about it. I would REALLY appreciate prayers during this week and the rest of the 40 days. As I feel led, I will update my blog and let you know what God’s showing me and telling me.

Week 36: A Week of History

I'm just going to start this week's entry with some honesty. Last week sucked. It's plain and simple. It was really really hard. I wanted to go home, and I'm not even exactly sure why. Two weeks ago, the Polanco Family was here, and it was so nice to have them here with me. Then they left a week ago, and I was kind of a mess. Three weeks ago, I had a good routine going- working out, training for my 5K, eating right, doing my devotions daily, etc. Then the last two weeks, my routine has gone down the drain, I've been feeling pretty down, and I'm just plain frustrated with myself because I just can't seem to get back on track. Plus I have about a million thoughts running through my mind constantly: Why am I here? Am I ever going to find someone? Why can't things just be easy sometimes? Why am I so lonely? I am just tired all around- emotionally, physically, mentally. I know that Satan is trying to get me down.

Ever have those seasons in your life? Please tell me I'm not the only one...

BUT I know that I won't be in this place forever. I think that we all want things to be easy, right? It's better that way, less painful. I know that this season in my life may be really painful, but I trust that God will use it to make me even more like Him. Prayers are really appreciated during this time.

Even through all of this, God is good. I've been able to do some exploring around Boston, seeing some of the historic areas, and I've loved it all! Here's the thing: I feel like I wasn't exactly paying attention in elementary school through high school in my history classes. As I go to these different places- the U.S.S. Constitution, the site of the Boston Tea Party, Paul Revere Park- I wish I could recall more of the history of it all. I know that I would appreciate it even more.

Today I went to the library in Quincy for the first time. It was AMAZING. Three floors of tons of books, and the building is so beautiful. I know that I will be there a lot from now on. I got two history books that I plan on reading this week to brush up on some American History. I think it's important to know, and I'm actually really excited to read through it. I've walked the same streets and paths that some really important people in history have walked, and I want to know more about their experiences! Now, hopefully I can get through these books. As I walked around the library, I was thinking that it would be super awesome if there was some type of graphic novel that went through history. I'm all about pictures. I'm kind of like a kid in a way! But these books don't seem to bad : ) So here's to the start of a week of History!

Week 35: Polanco Family Week

Hello everyone! How was everyone's Easter? Did God reveal Himself to any of you? I'd love to hear if He did! I sure did pray for all of you : )

This week is Week 35, and I am writing this a little late in the week but only because this week has been jam packed with fun and quality time with the Polanco Family. Josh and Jen Polanco are the pastors at The Salvation Army in Blue Island, IL where I began to go after I was saved in 2007. Actually, when I first started going, the building was in Mt. Greenwood, IL but then about a year ago they built a Salvation Army in Blue Island. I worked there at the corps for about a year, ran the youth group (In-fyuz) for about 3 1/2 years, and met my amazing Blue Island corps "family" whom I love and miss dearly. I have lived with the Polancos before, and they are like family. I love each and every one of them. Jen is one of my best friends- it's really amazing how much alike we are.

A couple weeks ago, Josh called me up and told me that there was a possibilty that the family would be coming to Boston for a short short before heading to Puerto Rico. Thank goodness that going to Puerto Rico was too expensive because they decided not to go and to spend their vacation with me instead!!

This week I'm very simply enjoying time with the Polanco Family. We've done a ton of sightseeing, a ton of walking, and a lot of just sharing life together- something I really miss about my Blue Island community. Here are some pictures of the week so far. Looking forward to the last couple days with them, then I'll be sad to see them go but so grateful for the wonderful time spent with them!

Week 34: Holy Week

Hello, friends! Can you believe that it's already week 34? Gosh, time has flown. Last week ended up going well. I feel like I'm getting out more, doing more, hanging out with people more, and that's a really great thing. I've also been having plenty of time for myself. Is it possible that I may have found balance??? I think so! If you know me even a little bit, you know that balance is always something that I have a hard time with, so the fact that I feel pretty balanced at this point is quite amazing. Praise God! To sum up last week, I'm still waiting to hear back from that guy who works at the teen homeless shelter, I'm looking into an art class at a community art center, and always looking for more places to explore!

This week is very simple. This week is "Holy Week," as it is the week leading up to Easter. I know that those of you reading this come from different backgrounds and different traditions, but for me, this week as always meant so much to me. I grew up in the Catholic church, and I always looked forward to Holy Week. We went to church for Holy Thursday (where some people would get their feet washed by the priest-now that I look back, I think that's an awesome tradition), Good Friday (veneration of the cross), Easter Vigil (a beautiful night service which included a lot of candles and a joyous celebration), and then Easter Sunday. Also, throughout lent my family and I used to go to Stations of the Cross every Friday night and then out for cheese pizza since we couldn't eat meat. When I think about the Catholic church, I think that they have a lot of things right when it comes to lent. As I write this, I wish I would have taken the time to find a church that did stations of the cross because even though back then, I just did things because I knew I should, I think now they would mean so much to me.

There is this band from The Salvation Army's central territory called "The Singing Company," and they are wonderful. They do great music, but they are also amazing individuals who seek after God with all their heart. They just recorded a CD with another band called "Families," and this CD just came out called "Holy Week." It's wonderful because you can go to their website here, and they have put together scripture and devotions that go along to the songs on their CD for Holy Week. I am following this for Holy Week, and I would encourage you guys to do the same.

Friends, I know that not all of you who follow this blog believe in God. I know that many are skeptical, many have been hurt by the church, many have experienced things so painful that you just can't understand how if God was real, He would have allowed them to happen- there are a ton of reasons that could be keeping you from accepting that Jesus died on the cross for your sin, my sin, everyone's sin. I challenge you during this week to let God in- even if it's just to say, "Hey God. If you're there, make yourself known to me. Help me to see you in my life." Doesn't have to be some long, dramatic speech if you don't want it to be. I believe that God wants to make Himself real to you. He wants you to know how much He loves you and that He died for you because of that crazy love that we probably won't ever fully understand. This week, this Holy Week, I'm dedicated to praying for YOU. Yep, you- the person reading this who is unsure, afraid, hesitant. I'm praying that God would make Himself so known to you that there would be NO WAY you could deny Him. I have faith that He'll do it.

If you are reading this and have more questions or would like me to pray for something more specific, please e-mail me at akeene9986@gmail.com

Week 33: Anti-Hermit Crab Week

Hello, friends!! How are you all? Most of you guys who follow my blog are people that I would see pretty frequently when I lived in Chicagoland, so I miss you guys! I hope that all of you are doing well, and I hope the turning of seasons to Spring has brought a little bit of sunshine and happiness into your lives. My week being barefoot was fun! I wasn't able to buy a pair of TOMS because I've been low on cash, but I plan on buying a pair when I have some money.

I will start by saying that this move to Quincy has been many things, but the word that sums it up would be "challenging." God is challenging me in many ways, and already, I feel like I've grown a lot in just two weeks. I have some really great days (mostly when I'm with people), and then I have some pretty not-so great days. I'd say yesterday was by far, the worst day I've had here. I don't know what was going on, but I didn't feel well and just felt depressed. I've been trying to figure out why this has been so hard for me, and I think it's because I was just so used to being around people all the time. In 2005, I started at Trinity and for 4 years, I lived with 2 or more girls each year. Then I lived in Blue Island, and lived with Meghan, Rebecca, Neisy, Amber....Then just a couple months ago, I lived with Rebecca in our lovely, sketchy house. THEN I moved back in with my family, where my niece was always over. So all that to say, I am used to having people around, and I love it. Even having a person in the same room as you, not even talking, is comforting.

Here in Quincy, I live by myself, and that's been difficult. To make things a little easier, I want to take this week and look up some things to do, maybe a class to take, a place to volunteer, etc. Now, I DO NOT want to completely fill all of my time so that I am never alone (something I would have done before), because I know that God is using this time on my own to teach me that He is really everything that I need. I want down time, but I also don't want to live like a hermit, holed up in my little apartment. I need to take a step out, so that is what this week is about! Now, I do realize that I called this week anti-hermit crab week. Sure, I don't want to be like a hermit crab in that it tends to stay in its shell, but mostly I didn't want to call this week "Anti-Hermit" week, because I didn't want to seem against those who do actually seclude themselves from society. I am also not against hermit crabs, especially since my new friends have one as a pet-I just didn't know what else to call this week. So sorry to any hermits/hermit crabs I may have insulted in this post. That was not the intention : )

Any way, first thing I did for this week was e-mail a guy who spoke at our advisory board meeting. He works with homeless youth, and I would love to volunteer some time at a shelter. There is one in Quincy, so I talked to this guy after the board meeting last week and then e-mailed him today. I'm hoping to hear back from him soon! Tomorrow, I'd like to look and see if there are any community classes that are being offered. As I find some things to do, I'll let you guys know!

Week 32: No Shoes Week

Good morning, y'all! I'm writing this post from my apartment, in gloomy Quincy. The weather the last couple days has been rainy and dreary. Yuck. BUT still loving Quincy despite the gross weather! Last week went very well. I think I've adjusted well, but let me tell you, God is most definitely challenging me in many many ways. It's all great though, and I know that it's in order to change me for the better. I'll probably go more in depth with that in another post maybe this week that's separate from this week's goal.

"No Shoes Week" is the title for week 32. I'll start my explanation with a story from the "One Day Without Shoes" Website:

Maria, age 10, Guatemala

Why shoes: Mountainous and muddy terrain makes farming difficult, both physically and economically, and Maria has never owned a pair of new shoes. This leaves her exposed to infection, intestinal worms, and cold weather illness.

Long-term Benefit: With additional protection from illness and infection, Maria can spend more days helping her family and building her potential in school.

Basically, shoes (things that we really take for granted) are not available to everyone in the world. There are so many places like Ethiopia where people are walking through the streets without shoes in city streets filled with things like glass, metal, and even sewage. Wearing shoes and practicing good hygiene can prevent diseases and infections.

TOMS is an organization that sells shoes, and with every pair purchased, they send a child in need a pair of shoes. Awesome, right? TOMS is the organization that is hosting the "One Day Without Shoes" campaign, which is officially today April 5, in order to raise awareness about the need.

I think a lot of times we get so wrapped up into our own lives and our own wants and needs, that we forget that there are people that are truly in need of things that we take for granted. This is really a simple way to spread the word- go barefoot today or some day this week and when people ask, tell them why! AND visit the TOMS website and buy a pair of shoes. Simple. I know that I have a couple friends participating in "One Day Without Shoes," and I hope that some more of you participate, too!

So basically this week, I am going to go bare foot as much as I can. I think there will be some situations where I'm going to need to wear shoes, but to work and walking outside and such, I will be barefoot. I think you should join me, too. This is a very practical way to get outside yourself and advocate for people around the world who are in need. Let's do it together!