Week 50: A Week to Begin 2012

I cannot believe that it's almost 2012. 2012! Gosh, what a year it has been. I've heard a lot of mixed feelings about 2011. Some people absolutely hated 2011, and actually now that I think of it, I haven't really heard many people say that they loved it. My opinion is that 2011 was a year of growth- not just for me but I think for many of you reading this. I think about how in January of 2011, I was working in Blue Island, was let go from there, moved back home just in time for the passing of my grandma, and took a job in Quincy, MA. That all happened in the first couple months of the year! I made the trek to Quincy with Roxanne, started to get to know the people there, come back home to stand up in multiple weddings, turns out my bosses leave just about a month into me being there, I get a new boss, run a 5K, lose 40 pounds, grow apart from friends, make new ones, change, change, and more change....wow! 2011 was a year of growth, and even though there were many hard things about this year, I have accomplished a lot. I mean, a 5K AND losing 40 pounds? I'm pretty happy with that!

By this point in the game, those of you who have been following this blog for the past year know the attitude I have when looking at life. There are hard times, but I believe that with the right attitude, growth always comes from that. I've also learned this past year the importance of being real, open, honest, and genuine. I continue to be surprised at the comments I get from the posts I put up on this blog that are really honest- the ones where I really lay it all out there. It's like people are drawn to that, to the honesty. It's almost as if it's something people actually crave, but are too fearful to lay it all out there because they don't want to be judged. But then the first sight of someone actually doing that allows them to step out into the light, to bring out into the open those things hidden for so long. Boy, there is so much freedom in doing that.

It's crazy to think that I have only two more weeks of this blog. It's actually kind of sad, but gosh I have grown so much from Week 1. I know that 2012 is going to be a great year. I've had a season of growing, being stretched and challenged for a while now. 2012 is going to be a year of enjoying the benefits of this past season. It will be a year of continued freedom, crazy joy, and new beginnings. I can just feel it with every ounce of my being. I definitely not saying this year will be perfect, but I am saying that this year is going to be the best year of my life yet.

This week I am going to be looking forward to what God has for me this year. Will I make any resolutions this year? I don't think so. The funny thing is that I feel like I've made resolutions almost every week for the past year. I'm always creating goals for myself and moving forward in reaching them. I will continue to lose weight. I want to lose about 60ish more. I want to be done losing weight by the time I go into seminary in the fall. I want to continue having healthy relationships, I'd like to read more, seriously open an Etsy shop with Jen, run another 5K and move on to a 10K, learn guitar, buy a nice camera so I can take on photography as a serious hobby, and start a new blog. I've been thinking and thinking about what type of blog to do next. I've toyed around with the idea of doing a blog on my road to recovery from overeating, weight loss journey, and now active lifestyle. Any ideas or suggestions?

Well, my friends, I pray that tonight instead of cursing this past year and completely tossing it aside, you try and find the good things, the moments that grew you and made you a little bit stronger-a little bit more like the person you want to be. When you wake up tomorrow, it's a new beginning. Anything is possible. Re-invent yourself (let God re-invent you), take a risk

even if it seems silly or weird, do something that you've always wanted to do but fear has stopped you up until now, make amends with someone you've hurt or has hurt you, let yourself fall in love, embrace a season of being single, share your secrets with someone... I plan on doing these things, and I started by... piercing my nose. May seem silly, but it's something I've wanted to do but was a little afraid to do it. What would people think? Would I look funny? Would I be judged by people? Then I went out with friends, said I wanted to do it, and an hour or so later I was sitting in the chair getting another hole in my head : ) The picture is me right after I got it pierced. I did it. And it felt great. For me it was life giving, and I know that there are more decisions like that which I'll make in 2012. Amazing things await all of us in 2012, I just know it.

Week 49: A Week to Wait for My Husband

As I decided what I was going to do this week, I almost didn't do this one because I thought that some of you may think that I was crazy. Then I stopped and realized that you may already think that I'm crazy, but crazy in a good way (I hope). So I'm doing this. Warning: it's an honest and open post about something Christians like to tip toe around. You've been warned!

I will start by telling you how life changing last week was. I wish that I could tell you everything single thing that happened, what led up to it, and so on but I won't. I will say though, that I had fasted a little over two weeks ago in prayer for a friend, and I have never seen God move so quickly. This fast led to change in a big way for me. Funny how God works, right? I fast and pray for a friend and end up being insanely challenged and blessed myself. Last week, I needed a break from the chaos- a week of quiet, waiting, listening, and stillness. God showed up in a big way, speaking to me, bringing peace, trust, and hope.

I think the most awesome thing that happened last week is that I made new friends. As you know, I'm co-running kettles this year. We have been working with a labor force agency, and this past Thursday or Friday (can't remember exactly) a young woman came to work for us. Immediately upon meeting her, I knew she must be a Christian-such love and joy exuding from her- not to mention a wonderful southern accent. I brought her to work and at the end of the day, I picked her up. We were in the van talking, and I asked where she was from and what led her here. Turns out her and her husband owned a business, lost it, and they've been living in their car, traveling the U.S. to find work. They have a little car with the two of them and a big dog. I wouldn't exactly be thrilled with that situation, but this woman's positive attitude and outlook was amazing. I invited her and her husband to church and told them that they were welcome to use my apartment to take showers. It was seriously the least that I could do.

Then the Lord tells me that I need to do something. I wanted to let them stay in my apartment. If I had lived in Blue Island with Rebecca and Amber, we would have let them stay in a second, after praying about it of course. The problem is that my apartment is in The Salvation Army and with that comes a bunch of man made rules and regulations which hinder being able to help people in a way like this. It's sad that man made rules tend to trump God so often. I won't get into this much more because I'm still a little upset by it, but needless to say, I wasn't allowed to let them stay in my apartment. The weekend end went on, they were able to hang out at my place for a while, take showers, rest. I was glad for that. She came to church Sunday and was blessed by it. They both hung around the rest of the day, helping make Christmas cookies and cupcakes with some church kids. Then a friend of mine here was gracious enough to allow them to stay at her place until this Friday. God worked it out. He was able to bless them and continues to bless them. This couple is not much older than me, and what a change in perspective this type of occurrence calls for. God showed up this last week, blessed everyone involved, challenged me in pursuing what the Lord tells me to do despite obstacles, and made me every more grateful for what I have, all of which I really don't deserve. What awesome people they are and what a blessing it has been to get to know them.

So that was last week. Today, I am writing this blog on my first day off in a while. This morning I woke up, did some packing for home, listened to a sermon podcast from the Evanston Vineyard on Christian sexuality, did some journaling, listened to some worship music, and I'm now writing this. What an awesome day off! This morning as I was listening to the podcast, I couldn't help but to think of my future husband, the man that I will be with for the rest of my life. Now, I'm sure I'm not alone in this. As a single woman who is 25 years old, there aren't many days that pass where I don't think about this. "Lord, do you really have someone for me? Did you forget about me up there? Ok, God. This is my 205th friend who just got engaged and 125th friend who had a baby....this isn't funny anymore! Will it ever be my turn, Lord?" Some of you may have or had at one point similar things running through your head, so I'm sure I'm not alone. I choose to think that God has a husband for me. I have such a deep desire to be married and to have a family. I have hope that one day, this will happen.

Now, this podcast was really good. It was a sermon that you don't usually hear in churches today. It was bold and honest. If you are interested in listening to it, click here. Man, we've messed up so much when it comes to relationships. We've taken sex and intimacy and perverted it. In a sex-driven world, you don't find a lot of people waiting for their future spouse, remaining abstinent, refraining from pornography and "solitary sex" as the pastor calls it from that podcast. We want instant gratification, a way to run from our problems, a way to find satisfaction yet not get hurt from a real relationship (pornography). It's messed up. This sermon podcast was really good, and I was shocked to see it on I-Tunes because I've never heard a sermon preached on this topic before and definitely not this openly. It was refreshing. Please listen to it.

Any way, all of this led me to thinking about this future marriage that I am trusting will happen. I started a new journal a month or so back, with the intention of giving it to the man that will be my husband. It contains some written out prayers, notes on a few sermons that I wanted him to read, and today I actually wrote a letter to him, whoever he is. I have seen marriages end horribly. I have seen unhealthy relationships turn into marriage and then end 6 months later. I've actually seen a lot more marriages go badly than I have seen healthy ones.

I want to have a healthy relationship founded on God. For that to happen, God needs to be working on me and the man He has for me during this waiting time. This week I've been praying for and will continue to pray for my husband- whoever he is wherever he is. I don't want either of us to get caught up in this sex-driven world, but instead, I'm praying that God will make us completely dependent on Him, that He will be our center and that He will be the one that we go to with all of our needs- that we won't go to sex, money, food, or whatever else to get temporary fixes. I believe that the only way for me to have a healthy marriage is for me and my husband to love God first with everything that we are, and then each other.

So I may be crazy, but I'm ok with that. This week I plan on praying, maybe doing some fasting if I feel led, journaling and just pressing into God. Then there will be the day when I meet this guy, and boy it will be worth all the waiting....

Week 48: A Week (or more) of Silence

This past Sunday I went to the Vineyard Church of Boston. If you've been following my blog, you would know that I attended the Vineyard Church of Evanston when I was living near Chicago. God used Vineyard to do a lot of amazing things in my life, and I will always be grateful for the time I spent there with really awesome people. Any way, I went Sunday to check out the one in Boston. It was wonderful. People were friendly, the Spirit was moving, the sermon was great, and I have NEVER felt more at peace in a church before. It felt like home. Amazing. Before the service started, the pastor got up and talked a little bit about the prayer team there. He said they had been praying before the service and felt like they needed to pray for people with pain in the right side of their body and also had a vision. The pastor shared the vision: it was a picture of a garbage disposal full of, well, a lot of garbage. Then clean, pure water was being flushed through it. Simple picture. As soon as the vision was said, I thought of the friend who was with me but also felt a connection with it. I was just unsure of the reason why.

Now I know.

The rest of that night was great. Since we were already out we decided to head to UNO's Pizzeria in Harvard Square. I got a Shirley Temple and an eggplant, spinach, onion half pizza on whole wheat crust (7 points on Weight Watchers)=two of my favorite things. There was a guy sitting next to us who was about my age who was by himself with a big pile of books. My friend Alberta turned to him and asked if he went to Harvard. He said yes and that he was in the graduate program at the school of Divinity. He had a huge paper to write and decided to come out for a break. Turns out, he is a Christian. We talk with him for the rest of the night and at the end, I ask if I can pray with him. How awesome. God is so good.

I wanted to share that moment with you for two reasons: 1. Perfect example of how God works. He led us to Vineyard that night, led us to that restaurant, and set up a perfect situation where everyone involved would be blessed and uplifted that night. 2. It is the one good thing that has happened in a week of chaos and struggle.

Going back to the garbage disposal picture. The last week has been a rough one for many reasons. Mostly I feel as if people have sort of dumped their garbage on me in different ways. I'm sure we've all had this experience. It isn't very fun. It's been quite painful, and as probably been made worse by the fact that I am here in Quincy during the Christmas season, apart from the people that I love back home. There's been times of confusion, doubt, saddness, and many other emotions this past week.

Having said all of that, even though it's been a rough week, I have never felt the presence of God so strong in my life. I know that God is with me. Emmanuel=God is with us. I have felt that clean, pure water being poured in with all that garbage, and I know that pretty soon, that water will flush away everything. I know that everything that is happening right now is needed. God is teaching me what it means to trust Him, that He really is all I need, and that I sometimes need to just sit back and wait things out.

This week (or more) I am going to take time to be silent. Once I post the link to my blog, this means getting off Facebook for a while, getting off Twitter, turning off the movies, Gilmore Girls, The New Girl, music, closing my mouth unless I NEED to speak....silence. If I don't answer the phone or your text, don't be offended. Just pray for me, and I'll get back to you when I can. I think this week (or more) of silence will be cleansing. It will help me to better hear the Lord, so that when He speaks like he did that night in UNO's, I will hear and be obedient. In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, I am stepping back and being still. Waiting. Listening.

Week 47: A Week for a Jumpstart

Well, hello! I am actually alive...I know that it's been forever since my last update. What can I say other than life gets busy and unfortunately the first things that tend to go are the things you most enjoy. Life during November and December in The Salvation Army is pure chaos because of the Kettle Season. For those of you who don't know, kettles are the red bucket things that are outside very store during the Christmas season. People stand out there and ring bells...I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I don't think it would actually feel like Christmas without hearing those bells!

Well, life since I've updated: I've continued my Mission 20. It's been a lot hard than I expected but I'm proud to say that I've lost about 10 more pounds and am hoping to lose as much as I can before Christmas (in a healthy way of course). Literally my work days start at about 8:30AM and go until about 10:30PM which means that there isn't a lot of free time to do much of anything, BUT I continue to head to the gym at least 3 days a week plus do Hip Hops Abs or walking the other days of the week. Yes, be proud of me. That's a big accomplishment in the midst of chaos!

October came and went. The highlight of October was the Harvest Party I planned for the college students here (that's the picture above). We all dressed up, bobbed for apples, had a pumpkin carving contest, donut eating contest, baked pumpking seeds, and watched some Halloween movies. It was wonderful. I just LOVE the fall and everything that comes with it. It was sad to not be home with family and friends during this time, but I was happy to bring some traditions to my friends over here.

Also in October, I was able to spend some time with my friend Kyle. Kyle was a guest blogger awhile back, and he's a friend of mine here in Boston. We've been friends since high school, and it's been a HUGE blessing to have him here. He's the one piece of home I have here in Boston. We haven't seen a ton of each other, but every time we hang out, it's such a great time. My life is filled with The Salvation Army- I work here and live here- that it's so nice to be able to go outside of that to spend time with a very intelligent and chill friend. Basically, we made homemade pizza (Kaitlyn-used your dough recipe!), talked, and then watched a movie. Such a simple night, yet it was the nicest night I have had in a while. Very thankful to have Kyle around.

November FLEW by. Kettles started Nov. 16, and then Thanksgiving came. I wasn't able to be home for Thanksgiving which was really hard since it was my first holiday away from home, but I was able to skype with my family and say the prayer before their meal. The picture is of me skyping in with my family! Even though I couldn't be home, I was able to spend the day with friends here. We had a lovely home cooked meal, put up the Christmas tree, watched Elf, and enjoyed relaxing.

Now we're already in December! I'm counting down days until I am able to go home for vacation. I'm heading back to Chicago on Christmas day and will be able to spend over a week at home with family and visiting with friends.

I have a lot to say about Kettles, but I won't get into it. I will say that if you let it, this season can fill your life with chaos and distract you from the true importance of this season. Advent is a time of waiting, a time of ancipation for what's to come, a time to be like a child filled with wonder...and I've lost that along the way. Yesterday I actually had a day off- the first one since Thanksgiving. I worked all day on my Christmas gifts, made my annual scrapbook for my sister and brother-in-law, and then spent some time with God. It was lovely, and I was reminded that if I don't stop and remember what this season is about, it will pass me by. Not only will it pass me by, but I'll be grumpy, tired, negative, and ready to punch someone in the face! I don't to be like that.

During my time with God, I listened to some podcasts from the church I was going to in Evanston called the Vineyard Church of Evanston. I really do miss the people there, and I always loved the sermons. I listened to the first two sermons from Advent called "Risky Curiosity" and "Happy Terror." God spoke through both of them. I would strongly encourage ALL of you to check them out, even if you're not entirely sold on the whole "God" thing. Head here to listen, and then let me know what you think! I'd love to discuss : )

"A Week for a Jumpstart" is a week to get this blog up and running again (I will see it through til the end!) and to let my heart be "jumpstarted" so that I will join in the joy and excitement of this season of Advent. Will you guys join me?

Week 46: A Week to Begin "Mission 20"

Ahhhh it's been way too long! I can't believe how much time as passed since last updating. I will say that I haven't just been sitting here on my butt doing nothing! Since I last updating, I ran my first 5K!! Yes, please clap for me : ) That picture is of me about to cross the finish line!

My week to fundraise ended up going super well. My sister, brother-in-law, and I ended up raising a little over $1000 for our 5K! AMAZING! And many of you who are reading this donated, so thank you so very much. And a general thanks to everyone for praying and supporting me in this whole 5K process. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it felt to run it- to cross that finish line. Well, physically it didn't feel so great but mentally, I was on top of the world. To think that in February I couldn't even run 0.1 miles, and that this past Saturday I ran 3.2 miles is crazy!

Also, since I last updated I took a trip home for a short time. I was home about 5 days, but like every time I go home, it was jam packed with stuff. A wedding, our annual Keene bonfire/hayride, testing and interview for seminary, hanging out with friends/family and visitng my home church...a lot in a short time. It was so great to spend time with loved ones, but honestly, it's hard as well. I hate that my time is so jam packed while home. I feel that I am not able to spend quality time with really anyone, and that hurts a lot. Leaving home was the hardest it's been, and I think a lot played into that. The next time I will be home will be for Christmas and that seems like a long way off, but I know that I am here in Quincy for a reason. God has more for me here.

I did a lot of thinking about seminary and how my whole life will be like this- moving to different places and being away from home. I am looking forward to the two years that I will spend in Chicago for seminary because that means I'll be close to home, but then after that, who knows where I could end up. BUT God has made it clear that this is what He wants of me, so I'm being obedient. He knows what I'm giving up, but He also knows what He'll be giving me- amazing things await me, and I look forward to seeing what's in store.

With things being so busy, I haven't put as much dedication and commitment into losing weight as I would have liked. So this week is about getting back on track. I'm calling it "Mission 20." My goal is to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Yes, that's a lot, but I can do it if I work hard enough. If I sucessfully lose that weight, then by Christmas I'll have lost a total of about 50 pounds! Praise the Lord! And that means that I fit into a size 16 jean!! Yes, I realize that all of you now know my pants size, but I don't care. I'm just so excited! I can't remember the last time I fit in that size! As you can see, that's what this picture is showing. I tried these on at Kohl's just for kicks. Didn't think they'd fit, but they so did! I was just bummed I couldn't buy them...jeans for $52??? Heck no!

Gosh, looking back over the last 46 weeks, I can see such a transformation. God has changed me, and I'm loving it. It certainly has been a painful process at times, but God has been with me the whole way.

This week is pretty simple. Well, simple to say but hard to do. I'll be working out 6 days a week from now on and really sticking with Weight Watchers. And part of this is really leaning into God, staying consistent with my devotions and spending time with Him, because He is the one who gives me strength to move forward in my weight loss goals. I ultimately want to keep a healthy realtionship with food, meaning recognizing it for what it is: something I need for my physcial body to live, not something that provides love, comfort, or anything else. The verse from the bible that I always go back to is 1 Corinthians 9:24 which says "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." I want to get the prize, and I will do whatever I need to in order to get it.

So this week I continue fighting the good fight, working to say no to temptations involving food, and living a healthy, full life! Let Mission 20 begin!

Week 45: A Week to Fund Raise

Let's rewind back to January of 2011, so about 8 months ago. There was a lot going on in my life (you're more than welcome to head back to the archives of my blog and read more detail). It was during that time, as I was thinking about "New Year's Resolutions" and dreams that I had for the new year, that the thought of running a 5K came to mind. Now, I was not a runner. Goodness, I couldn't run 0.1 mile without wanting to die. I actually remember seeing people in the neighborhood running and thinking that they were masochists. "Why in the world would someone run for enjoyment?" I would think to myself. Any way, so the point is that the fact that this thought would even enter my mind is a miracle in itself. So I started training off and on through out January, February, March, and April. By off and on, I mean I would run for a couple weeks and then stop for a couple. I would never say that those months were wasted because it slowly got me running, but I wasn't seriously training. The same goes for my eating habits. I would be eating really healthily and appropriately for a couple weeks, then give up and overeat.

Then it was about the end of May, as I was going through "A Call to Die" by David Nasser (which I am now going through with my college ministry students) that things really started. There was one chapter (again, go back and read about it- I blogged ALL about it) that God used to change my life forever. It was such a simple chapter, yet it was like something clicked. From that day on, I joined Weight Watchers, started going to OA (Overeaters Anonymous), started working out 5+days a week, and started seriously training for this 5K. Let me tell you, it was all God. There is nothing in my human nature that wanted to leave this pit I'd been in for years, really for as long as I can remember- a pit of using food as comfort, being lazy, and honestly, just hating myself because I couldn't seem to overcome this sin in my life. It was 100% God, and still is. It wasn't until I stopped, realized that I was weak and powerless in the battle with food and laziness, and sought God with EVERYTHING that I had that things turned around.

So that's the background story. Here I am 30+ pounds lighter, just ran 3.2 miles for the first time today, feeling physically the best I've ever felt, and praising the Lord for all of it! A couple months ago, I signed up for my first official 5K. It's October 1- only a couple weeks away! Now, I knew that I wanted to run a race that meant something to me. I wanted to find a 5K with a cause that I could get behind and be excited about. I searched and searched and finally found one in Cambridge, MA with a cause dear to my heart. This 5K is to raise funds and awareness for Samaritans, a non-profit organization dedicated to reducing the incidence of suicide in Greater Boston and Metrowest. The tag line for the run is "run for someone else's life." I know so many people who suffer from depression and have entertained suicidal thoughts. Depression seems to run in my family as well. My sister is only 22 years old and has had SEVERAL friends commit suicide, and many of those people were mutual friends of her husband. They both have lost people very close to them. It's insane how many funerals they have been to already. Because this cause is also very dear to my sister and bother-in law's hearts, they are running with me! Our team name is simply "Team Hope," and we are running for all of the people we know who have lost their lives to suicide.

If you are able to contribute to this cause, we would really appreciate it. You go to this website and donate online: https://sna.etapestry.com/fundraiser/Samaritans/5K2011/individual.do?participationRef=1834.0.584395169

Also, prayers are greatly appreciated as the three of us continue to fund raise and train for the run. This week I'm focused on fundraising for the run and finishing up my training as October 1 draws near. Thank you all for your support, not only in this but in all things. I know that so many of you faithfully read my blog, pray for me, and check up on me. I sooo appreciate that- you have no idea!

Week 44, Day 5

My “little sister” is one of the most amazing people I know. I remember the day that she was born, I remember reading to her when she was a baby, I remember her following us around because she wanted to be like her big sisters. I remember she was the cutest baby.

Now, she is my little sister but grown up into a lovely young woman. Seriously, I can’t believe she is a sophomore in COLLEGE. When did that even happen???? I remember when I first found out she was going away to college, and I was so proud of her. I knew that it was a big step for her. Elyse has taught me a lot about family. She loves us so much. Not saying that Jennie and I don’t, but Elyse has always consistently put family first. No matter what. She’s a “Daddy’s girl” AND a “Mommy’s girl.” Because of her great love her for us, it was hard for her to go away, but I am so glad that she did so she can get that experience.

I have realized that since Elyse has grown up, I have become really protective of her. When her heart is broken, all I want to do is punch the person in the face who hurt her. For real. Guys, please be aware that you might never be good enough for Elyse in my eyes…ok that sounds mean. But the point is that, it’s going to take a very very very amazing guy to be good enough for my little sister. There will be many tests and daring feats he will need to perform before things get serious. Trust me.

I’m the oldest, but I will tell you that my younger sisters have been the ones to teach me, to shape who I am today. Elyse is an amazing friend- she goes above and beyond for them. She really loves people and that is very clear. Her family is always #1 priority. She’s such a hard worker. School has never come easy for her, but she works so hard and ends up doing an amazing job.

Elyse and I are a lot alike. We both love to sing (Jennie thinks she’s not a good singer, but she’s full of crap) and we love musicals. Some of my favorite times with Elyse lately have been the times we’ve gone to the theater and spent time together doing something we both enjoy. I just love her so much.

It’s funny. I didn’t really think that this week would be so much about my family. There have been SOOO many experiences, events, people in my life that have shaped who I am today. But it’s my family that has made the most impact. I love them more and more each day. I miss them a lot, but I know that wherever I am, they are there for me.