Week 50: A Week to Begin 2012

I cannot believe that it's almost 2012. 2012! Gosh, what a year it has been. I've heard a lot of mixed feelings about 2011. Some people absolutely hated 2011, and actually now that I think of it, I haven't really heard many people say that they loved it. My opinion is that 2011 was a year of growth- not just for me but I think for many of you reading this. I think about how in January of 2011, I was working in Blue Island, was let go from there, moved back home just in time for the passing of my grandma, and took a job in Quincy, MA. That all happened in the first couple months of the year! I made the trek to Quincy with Roxanne, started to get to know the people there, come back home to stand up in multiple weddings, turns out my bosses leave just about a month into me being there, I get a new boss, run a 5K, lose 40 pounds, grow apart from friends, make new ones, change, change, and more change....wow! 2011 was a year of growth, and even though there were many hard things about this year, I have accomplished a lot. I mean, a 5K AND losing 40 pounds? I'm pretty happy with that!

By this point in the game, those of you who have been following this blog for the past year know the attitude I have when looking at life. There are hard times, but I believe that with the right attitude, growth always comes from that. I've also learned this past year the importance of being real, open, honest, and genuine. I continue to be surprised at the comments I get from the posts I put up on this blog that are really honest- the ones where I really lay it all out there. It's like people are drawn to that, to the honesty. It's almost as if it's something people actually crave, but are too fearful to lay it all out there because they don't want to be judged. But then the first sight of someone actually doing that allows them to step out into the light, to bring out into the open those things hidden for so long. Boy, there is so much freedom in doing that.

It's crazy to think that I have only two more weeks of this blog. It's actually kind of sad, but gosh I have grown so much from Week 1. I know that 2012 is going to be a great year. I've had a season of growing, being stretched and challenged for a while now. 2012 is going to be a year of enjoying the benefits of this past season. It will be a year of continued freedom, crazy joy, and new beginnings. I can just feel it with every ounce of my being. I definitely not saying this year will be perfect, but I am saying that this year is going to be the best year of my life yet.

This week I am going to be looking forward to what God has for me this year. Will I make any resolutions this year? I don't think so. The funny thing is that I feel like I've made resolutions almost every week for the past year. I'm always creating goals for myself and moving forward in reaching them. I will continue to lose weight. I want to lose about 60ish more. I want to be done losing weight by the time I go into seminary in the fall. I want to continue having healthy relationships, I'd like to read more, seriously open an Etsy shop with Jen, run another 5K and move on to a 10K, learn guitar, buy a nice camera so I can take on photography as a serious hobby, and start a new blog. I've been thinking and thinking about what type of blog to do next. I've toyed around with the idea of doing a blog on my road to recovery from overeating, weight loss journey, and now active lifestyle. Any ideas or suggestions?

Well, my friends, I pray that tonight instead of cursing this past year and completely tossing it aside, you try and find the good things, the moments that grew you and made you a little bit stronger-a little bit more like the person you want to be. When you wake up tomorrow, it's a new beginning. Anything is possible. Re-invent yourself (let God re-invent you), take a risk

even if it seems silly or weird, do something that you've always wanted to do but fear has stopped you up until now, make amends with someone you've hurt or has hurt you, let yourself fall in love, embrace a season of being single, share your secrets with someone... I plan on doing these things, and I started by... piercing my nose. May seem silly, but it's something I've wanted to do but was a little afraid to do it. What would people think? Would I look funny? Would I be judged by people? Then I went out with friends, said I wanted to do it, and an hour or so later I was sitting in the chair getting another hole in my head : ) The picture is me right after I got it pierced. I did it. And it felt great. For me it was life giving, and I know that there are more decisions like that which I'll make in 2012. Amazing things await all of us in 2012, I just know it.

Week 49: A Week to Wait for My Husband

As I decided what I was going to do this week, I almost didn't do this one because I thought that some of you may think that I was crazy. Then I stopped and realized that you may already think that I'm crazy, but crazy in a good way (I hope). So I'm doing this. Warning: it's an honest and open post about something Christians like to tip toe around. You've been warned!

I will start by telling you how life changing last week was. I wish that I could tell you everything single thing that happened, what led up to it, and so on but I won't. I will say though, that I had fasted a little over two weeks ago in prayer for a friend, and I have never seen God move so quickly. This fast led to change in a big way for me. Funny how God works, right? I fast and pray for a friend and end up being insanely challenged and blessed myself. Last week, I needed a break from the chaos- a week of quiet, waiting, listening, and stillness. God showed up in a big way, speaking to me, bringing peace, trust, and hope.

I think the most awesome thing that happened last week is that I made new friends. As you know, I'm co-running kettles this year. We have been working with a labor force agency, and this past Thursday or Friday (can't remember exactly) a young woman came to work for us. Immediately upon meeting her, I knew she must be a Christian-such love and joy exuding from her- not to mention a wonderful southern accent. I brought her to work and at the end of the day, I picked her up. We were in the van talking, and I asked where she was from and what led her here. Turns out her and her husband owned a business, lost it, and they've been living in their car, traveling the U.S. to find work. They have a little car with the two of them and a big dog. I wouldn't exactly be thrilled with that situation, but this woman's positive attitude and outlook was amazing. I invited her and her husband to church and told them that they were welcome to use my apartment to take showers. It was seriously the least that I could do.

Then the Lord tells me that I need to do something. I wanted to let them stay in my apartment. If I had lived in Blue Island with Rebecca and Amber, we would have let them stay in a second, after praying about it of course. The problem is that my apartment is in The Salvation Army and with that comes a bunch of man made rules and regulations which hinder being able to help people in a way like this. It's sad that man made rules tend to trump God so often. I won't get into this much more because I'm still a little upset by it, but needless to say, I wasn't allowed to let them stay in my apartment. The weekend end went on, they were able to hang out at my place for a while, take showers, rest. I was glad for that. She came to church Sunday and was blessed by it. They both hung around the rest of the day, helping make Christmas cookies and cupcakes with some church kids. Then a friend of mine here was gracious enough to allow them to stay at her place until this Friday. God worked it out. He was able to bless them and continues to bless them. This couple is not much older than me, and what a change in perspective this type of occurrence calls for. God showed up this last week, blessed everyone involved, challenged me in pursuing what the Lord tells me to do despite obstacles, and made me every more grateful for what I have, all of which I really don't deserve. What awesome people they are and what a blessing it has been to get to know them.

So that was last week. Today, I am writing this blog on my first day off in a while. This morning I woke up, did some packing for home, listened to a sermon podcast from the Evanston Vineyard on Christian sexuality, did some journaling, listened to some worship music, and I'm now writing this. What an awesome day off! This morning as I was listening to the podcast, I couldn't help but to think of my future husband, the man that I will be with for the rest of my life. Now, I'm sure I'm not alone in this. As a single woman who is 25 years old, there aren't many days that pass where I don't think about this. "Lord, do you really have someone for me? Did you forget about me up there? Ok, God. This is my 205th friend who just got engaged and 125th friend who had a baby....this isn't funny anymore! Will it ever be my turn, Lord?" Some of you may have or had at one point similar things running through your head, so I'm sure I'm not alone. I choose to think that God has a husband for me. I have such a deep desire to be married and to have a family. I have hope that one day, this will happen.

Now, this podcast was really good. It was a sermon that you don't usually hear in churches today. It was bold and honest. If you are interested in listening to it, click here. Man, we've messed up so much when it comes to relationships. We've taken sex and intimacy and perverted it. In a sex-driven world, you don't find a lot of people waiting for their future spouse, remaining abstinent, refraining from pornography and "solitary sex" as the pastor calls it from that podcast. We want instant gratification, a way to run from our problems, a way to find satisfaction yet not get hurt from a real relationship (pornography). It's messed up. This sermon podcast was really good, and I was shocked to see it on I-Tunes because I've never heard a sermon preached on this topic before and definitely not this openly. It was refreshing. Please listen to it.

Any way, all of this led me to thinking about this future marriage that I am trusting will happen. I started a new journal a month or so back, with the intention of giving it to the man that will be my husband. It contains some written out prayers, notes on a few sermons that I wanted him to read, and today I actually wrote a letter to him, whoever he is. I have seen marriages end horribly. I have seen unhealthy relationships turn into marriage and then end 6 months later. I've actually seen a lot more marriages go badly than I have seen healthy ones.

I want to have a healthy relationship founded on God. For that to happen, God needs to be working on me and the man He has for me during this waiting time. This week I've been praying for and will continue to pray for my husband- whoever he is wherever he is. I don't want either of us to get caught up in this sex-driven world, but instead, I'm praying that God will make us completely dependent on Him, that He will be our center and that He will be the one that we go to with all of our needs- that we won't go to sex, money, food, or whatever else to get temporary fixes. I believe that the only way for me to have a healthy marriage is for me and my husband to love God first with everything that we are, and then each other.

So I may be crazy, but I'm ok with that. This week I plan on praying, maybe doing some fasting if I feel led, journaling and just pressing into God. Then there will be the day when I meet this guy, and boy it will be worth all the waiting....

Week 48: A Week (or more) of Silence

This past Sunday I went to the Vineyard Church of Boston. If you've been following my blog, you would know that I attended the Vineyard Church of Evanston when I was living near Chicago. God used Vineyard to do a lot of amazing things in my life, and I will always be grateful for the time I spent there with really awesome people. Any way, I went Sunday to check out the one in Boston. It was wonderful. People were friendly, the Spirit was moving, the sermon was great, and I have NEVER felt more at peace in a church before. It felt like home. Amazing. Before the service started, the pastor got up and talked a little bit about the prayer team there. He said they had been praying before the service and felt like they needed to pray for people with pain in the right side of their body and also had a vision. The pastor shared the vision: it was a picture of a garbage disposal full of, well, a lot of garbage. Then clean, pure water was being flushed through it. Simple picture. As soon as the vision was said, I thought of the friend who was with me but also felt a connection with it. I was just unsure of the reason why.

Now I know.

The rest of that night was great. Since we were already out we decided to head to UNO's Pizzeria in Harvard Square. I got a Shirley Temple and an eggplant, spinach, onion half pizza on whole wheat crust (7 points on Weight Watchers)=two of my favorite things. There was a guy sitting next to us who was about my age who was by himself with a big pile of books. My friend Alberta turned to him and asked if he went to Harvard. He said yes and that he was in the graduate program at the school of Divinity. He had a huge paper to write and decided to come out for a break. Turns out, he is a Christian. We talk with him for the rest of the night and at the end, I ask if I can pray with him. How awesome. God is so good.

I wanted to share that moment with you for two reasons: 1. Perfect example of how God works. He led us to Vineyard that night, led us to that restaurant, and set up a perfect situation where everyone involved would be blessed and uplifted that night. 2. It is the one good thing that has happened in a week of chaos and struggle.

Going back to the garbage disposal picture. The last week has been a rough one for many reasons. Mostly I feel as if people have sort of dumped their garbage on me in different ways. I'm sure we've all had this experience. It isn't very fun. It's been quite painful, and as probably been made worse by the fact that I am here in Quincy during the Christmas season, apart from the people that I love back home. There's been times of confusion, doubt, saddness, and many other emotions this past week.

Having said all of that, even though it's been a rough week, I have never felt the presence of God so strong in my life. I know that God is with me. Emmanuel=God is with us. I have felt that clean, pure water being poured in with all that garbage, and I know that pretty soon, that water will flush away everything. I know that everything that is happening right now is needed. God is teaching me what it means to trust Him, that He really is all I need, and that I sometimes need to just sit back and wait things out.

This week (or more) I am going to take time to be silent. Once I post the link to my blog, this means getting off Facebook for a while, getting off Twitter, turning off the movies, Gilmore Girls, The New Girl, music, closing my mouth unless I NEED to speak....silence. If I don't answer the phone or your text, don't be offended. Just pray for me, and I'll get back to you when I can. I think this week (or more) of silence will be cleansing. It will help me to better hear the Lord, so that when He speaks like he did that night in UNO's, I will hear and be obedient. In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, I am stepping back and being still. Waiting. Listening.

Week 47: A Week for a Jumpstart

Well, hello! I am actually alive...I know that it's been forever since my last update. What can I say other than life gets busy and unfortunately the first things that tend to go are the things you most enjoy. Life during November and December in The Salvation Army is pure chaos because of the Kettle Season. For those of you who don't know, kettles are the red bucket things that are outside very store during the Christmas season. People stand out there and ring bells...I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I don't think it would actually feel like Christmas without hearing those bells!

Well, life since I've updated: I've continued my Mission 20. It's been a lot hard than I expected but I'm proud to say that I've lost about 10 more pounds and am hoping to lose as much as I can before Christmas (in a healthy way of course). Literally my work days start at about 8:30AM and go until about 10:30PM which means that there isn't a lot of free time to do much of anything, BUT I continue to head to the gym at least 3 days a week plus do Hip Hops Abs or walking the other days of the week. Yes, be proud of me. That's a big accomplishment in the midst of chaos!

October came and went. The highlight of October was the Harvest Party I planned for the college students here (that's the picture above). We all dressed up, bobbed for apples, had a pumpkin carving contest, donut eating contest, baked pumpking seeds, and watched some Halloween movies. It was wonderful. I just LOVE the fall and everything that comes with it. It was sad to not be home with family and friends during this time, but I was happy to bring some traditions to my friends over here.

Also in October, I was able to spend some time with my friend Kyle. Kyle was a guest blogger awhile back, and he's a friend of mine here in Boston. We've been friends since high school, and it's been a HUGE blessing to have him here. He's the one piece of home I have here in Boston. We haven't seen a ton of each other, but every time we hang out, it's such a great time. My life is filled with The Salvation Army- I work here and live here- that it's so nice to be able to go outside of that to spend time with a very intelligent and chill friend. Basically, we made homemade pizza (Kaitlyn-used your dough recipe!), talked, and then watched a movie. Such a simple night, yet it was the nicest night I have had in a while. Very thankful to have Kyle around.

November FLEW by. Kettles started Nov. 16, and then Thanksgiving came. I wasn't able to be home for Thanksgiving which was really hard since it was my first holiday away from home, but I was able to skype with my family and say the prayer before their meal. The picture is of me skyping in with my family! Even though I couldn't be home, I was able to spend the day with friends here. We had a lovely home cooked meal, put up the Christmas tree, watched Elf, and enjoyed relaxing.

Now we're already in December! I'm counting down days until I am able to go home for vacation. I'm heading back to Chicago on Christmas day and will be able to spend over a week at home with family and visiting with friends.

I have a lot to say about Kettles, but I won't get into it. I will say that if you let it, this season can fill your life with chaos and distract you from the true importance of this season. Advent is a time of waiting, a time of ancipation for what's to come, a time to be like a child filled with wonder...and I've lost that along the way. Yesterday I actually had a day off- the first one since Thanksgiving. I worked all day on my Christmas gifts, made my annual scrapbook for my sister and brother-in-law, and then spent some time with God. It was lovely, and I was reminded that if I don't stop and remember what this season is about, it will pass me by. Not only will it pass me by, but I'll be grumpy, tired, negative, and ready to punch someone in the face! I don't to be like that.

During my time with God, I listened to some podcasts from the church I was going to in Evanston called the Vineyard Church of Evanston. I really do miss the people there, and I always loved the sermons. I listened to the first two sermons from Advent called "Risky Curiosity" and "Happy Terror." God spoke through both of them. I would strongly encourage ALL of you to check them out, even if you're not entirely sold on the whole "God" thing. Head here to listen, and then let me know what you think! I'd love to discuss : )

"A Week for a Jumpstart" is a week to get this blog up and running again (I will see it through til the end!) and to let my heart be "jumpstarted" so that I will join in the joy and excitement of this season of Advent. Will you guys join me?

Week 46: A Week to Begin "Mission 20"

Ahhhh it's been way too long! I can't believe how much time as passed since last updating. I will say that I haven't just been sitting here on my butt doing nothing! Since I last updating, I ran my first 5K!! Yes, please clap for me : ) That picture is of me about to cross the finish line!

My week to fundraise ended up going super well. My sister, brother-in-law, and I ended up raising a little over $1000 for our 5K! AMAZING! And many of you who are reading this donated, so thank you so very much. And a general thanks to everyone for praying and supporting me in this whole 5K process. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it felt to run it- to cross that finish line. Well, physically it didn't feel so great but mentally, I was on top of the world. To think that in February I couldn't even run 0.1 miles, and that this past Saturday I ran 3.2 miles is crazy!

Also, since I last updated I took a trip home for a short time. I was home about 5 days, but like every time I go home, it was jam packed with stuff. A wedding, our annual Keene bonfire/hayride, testing and interview for seminary, hanging out with friends/family and visitng my home church...a lot in a short time. It was so great to spend time with loved ones, but honestly, it's hard as well. I hate that my time is so jam packed while home. I feel that I am not able to spend quality time with really anyone, and that hurts a lot. Leaving home was the hardest it's been, and I think a lot played into that. The next time I will be home will be for Christmas and that seems like a long way off, but I know that I am here in Quincy for a reason. God has more for me here.

I did a lot of thinking about seminary and how my whole life will be like this- moving to different places and being away from home. I am looking forward to the two years that I will spend in Chicago for seminary because that means I'll be close to home, but then after that, who knows where I could end up. BUT God has made it clear that this is what He wants of me, so I'm being obedient. He knows what I'm giving up, but He also knows what He'll be giving me- amazing things await me, and I look forward to seeing what's in store.

With things being so busy, I haven't put as much dedication and commitment into losing weight as I would have liked. So this week is about getting back on track. I'm calling it "Mission 20." My goal is to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Yes, that's a lot, but I can do it if I work hard enough. If I sucessfully lose that weight, then by Christmas I'll have lost a total of about 50 pounds! Praise the Lord! And that means that I fit into a size 16 jean!! Yes, I realize that all of you now know my pants size, but I don't care. I'm just so excited! I can't remember the last time I fit in that size! As you can see, that's what this picture is showing. I tried these on at Kohl's just for kicks. Didn't think they'd fit, but they so did! I was just bummed I couldn't buy them...jeans for $52??? Heck no!

Gosh, looking back over the last 46 weeks, I can see such a transformation. God has changed me, and I'm loving it. It certainly has been a painful process at times, but God has been with me the whole way.

This week is pretty simple. Well, simple to say but hard to do. I'll be working out 6 days a week from now on and really sticking with Weight Watchers. And part of this is really leaning into God, staying consistent with my devotions and spending time with Him, because He is the one who gives me strength to move forward in my weight loss goals. I ultimately want to keep a healthy realtionship with food, meaning recognizing it for what it is: something I need for my physcial body to live, not something that provides love, comfort, or anything else. The verse from the bible that I always go back to is 1 Corinthians 9:24 which says "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." I want to get the prize, and I will do whatever I need to in order to get it.

So this week I continue fighting the good fight, working to say no to temptations involving food, and living a healthy, full life! Let Mission 20 begin!

Week 45: A Week to Fund Raise

Let's rewind back to January of 2011, so about 8 months ago. There was a lot going on in my life (you're more than welcome to head back to the archives of my blog and read more detail). It was during that time, as I was thinking about "New Year's Resolutions" and dreams that I had for the new year, that the thought of running a 5K came to mind. Now, I was not a runner. Goodness, I couldn't run 0.1 mile without wanting to die. I actually remember seeing people in the neighborhood running and thinking that they were masochists. "Why in the world would someone run for enjoyment?" I would think to myself. Any way, so the point is that the fact that this thought would even enter my mind is a miracle in itself. So I started training off and on through out January, February, March, and April. By off and on, I mean I would run for a couple weeks and then stop for a couple. I would never say that those months were wasted because it slowly got me running, but I wasn't seriously training. The same goes for my eating habits. I would be eating really healthily and appropriately for a couple weeks, then give up and overeat.

Then it was about the end of May, as I was going through "A Call to Die" by David Nasser (which I am now going through with my college ministry students) that things really started. There was one chapter (again, go back and read about it- I blogged ALL about it) that God used to change my life forever. It was such a simple chapter, yet it was like something clicked. From that day on, I joined Weight Watchers, started going to OA (Overeaters Anonymous), started working out 5+days a week, and started seriously training for this 5K. Let me tell you, it was all God. There is nothing in my human nature that wanted to leave this pit I'd been in for years, really for as long as I can remember- a pit of using food as comfort, being lazy, and honestly, just hating myself because I couldn't seem to overcome this sin in my life. It was 100% God, and still is. It wasn't until I stopped, realized that I was weak and powerless in the battle with food and laziness, and sought God with EVERYTHING that I had that things turned around.

So that's the background story. Here I am 30+ pounds lighter, just ran 3.2 miles for the first time today, feeling physically the best I've ever felt, and praising the Lord for all of it! A couple months ago, I signed up for my first official 5K. It's October 1- only a couple weeks away! Now, I knew that I wanted to run a race that meant something to me. I wanted to find a 5K with a cause that I could get behind and be excited about. I searched and searched and finally found one in Cambridge, MA with a cause dear to my heart. This 5K is to raise funds and awareness for Samaritans, a non-profit organization dedicated to reducing the incidence of suicide in Greater Boston and Metrowest. The tag line for the run is "run for someone else's life." I know so many people who suffer from depression and have entertained suicidal thoughts. Depression seems to run in my family as well. My sister is only 22 years old and has had SEVERAL friends commit suicide, and many of those people were mutual friends of her husband. They both have lost people very close to them. It's insane how many funerals they have been to already. Because this cause is also very dear to my sister and bother-in law's hearts, they are running with me! Our team name is simply "Team Hope," and we are running for all of the people we know who have lost their lives to suicide.

If you are able to contribute to this cause, we would really appreciate it. You go to this website and donate online: https://sna.etapestry.com/fundraiser/Samaritans/5K2011/individual.do?participationRef=1834.0.584395169

Also, prayers are greatly appreciated as the three of us continue to fund raise and train for the run. This week I'm focused on fundraising for the run and finishing up my training as October 1 draws near. Thank you all for your support, not only in this but in all things. I know that so many of you faithfully read my blog, pray for me, and check up on me. I sooo appreciate that- you have no idea!

Week 44, Day 5

My “little sister” is one of the most amazing people I know. I remember the day that she was born, I remember reading to her when she was a baby, I remember her following us around because she wanted to be like her big sisters. I remember she was the cutest baby.

Now, she is my little sister but grown up into a lovely young woman. Seriously, I can’t believe she is a sophomore in COLLEGE. When did that even happen???? I remember when I first found out she was going away to college, and I was so proud of her. I knew that it was a big step for her. Elyse has taught me a lot about family. She loves us so much. Not saying that Jennie and I don’t, but Elyse has always consistently put family first. No matter what. She’s a “Daddy’s girl” AND a “Mommy’s girl.” Because of her great love her for us, it was hard for her to go away, but I am so glad that she did so she can get that experience.

I have realized that since Elyse has grown up, I have become really protective of her. When her heart is broken, all I want to do is punch the person in the face who hurt her. For real. Guys, please be aware that you might never be good enough for Elyse in my eyes…ok that sounds mean. But the point is that, it’s going to take a very very very amazing guy to be good enough for my little sister. There will be many tests and daring feats he will need to perform before things get serious. Trust me.

I’m the oldest, but I will tell you that my younger sisters have been the ones to teach me, to shape who I am today. Elyse is an amazing friend- she goes above and beyond for them. She really loves people and that is very clear. Her family is always #1 priority. She’s such a hard worker. School has never come easy for her, but she works so hard and ends up doing an amazing job.

Elyse and I are a lot alike. We both love to sing (Jennie thinks she’s not a good singer, but she’s full of crap) and we love musicals. Some of my favorite times with Elyse lately have been the times we’ve gone to the theater and spent time together doing something we both enjoy. I just love her so much.

It’s funny. I didn’t really think that this week would be so much about my family. There have been SOOO many experiences, events, people in my life that have shaped who I am today. But it’s my family that has made the most impact. I love them more and more each day. I miss them a lot, but I know that wherever I am, they are there for me.

Week 44, Day 3

Today I received a beautiful card from Mom and Dad. It was a birthday card and said:

"I see a young lady out in the world, following her dreams, doing good, and making a difference. Then I think, "Hey, that's my kid. That's my pride and joy." Happy Birthday to a daughter who's so inspiring. And loved."

Of course I cried. No surprise there. I can't take a week to remember events in life that have shaped who I am as I turn 25 years old, without remembering my parents. My parents have shaped who I am today. God blessed me with an amazing mom and dad...seriously, it doesn't get much better than this. Now, I'm not saying there hasn't been disagreements or conflict or very different opinions on things. There has been. What I AM saying is that through all of it, I have always felt supported, always felt encouraged, always felt loved. I am a bit of a free spirit, I go where God leads no matter what that costs, and it has cost a lot at times. My family has probably thought that I'm crazy multiple times, and they would be right. I know that I am : ) But my parents have always let me go where I needed to go, even when it meant me not being physically around, which I know is so hard. Being obedient to God, has not only been a sacrifice for me, but for my parents, sisters, aunts and uncles as well. And while I know it's hard for them, they continue to support me. Gosh, what a blessing.

When I think about who I am as I turn a quarter of a century old, I know that I am a perfect mix of my parents. I have my mom's empathy, her compassion, her intuition, her love for people, her hard working/dedicated nature...and I know she's reading this thinking that I'm giving her way too much credit and that she's really not that great- I also got that from her. Mom, you are that great. Believe me!

Then there's Dad. This story will tell you a bit about him. One night, my friend Kaitlyn (Kait-I hope you're reading this) and I were watching the movie "Resident Evil" in my basement. All of a sudden my dad pops through the downstairs window, right where we were sitting and scared the crap out of both of us- almost literally. I have my Dad's sense of humor, his sense of adventure, love of practical jokes, his desire to work hard, his protective nature, his wisdom, and his love for people. Not to mention, I see pictures of when I was a child, and I look A LOT like my dad. Now that I've grown up, I think I look more like Mom.

Both of my parents would bend over backwards for just about anybody. They are two of the greatest people in the world (I'm so not biased at all).

So ladies and gentleman, the Amanda Keene you know today is a product of Mom and Dad's love and care (led by God) throughout these 25 years. I personally think they did a mighty fine job, don't you?

Week 44, Day 2

When my sisters and I were growing up, my middle sister Jennie was a free spirit (and still is). I remember when we asked Jennie what she wanted to do when she grew up, she would say she wanted to be a "hobo in Jamaica." Then the end of the summer 2007 came around, and Jennie told us she was pregnant. It was a big shock, life changing moment. Tons of emotions ran wild. Hands down, I have never been more proud of my family than in this time- a time where we walked alongside Jennie and just loved her. I have never been more proud of Jennie (well that may not be true since every single day I am proud of her). She bravely went through pregnancy, through giving birth, through being a mother at a young age. Her boyfriend (now husband) was with her through the whole thing. He's a great man, and I'm proud to call him my brother-in-law. I feel as if he's been part of the family forever.

I will never forget the day that Riley (my niece) was born. Seriously, Jennie gave birth and I don't think I heard one peep from her. She was so strong and brave. Then Riley Lauren entered the world and our world changed forever. This small, fragile, beautiful infant brought such joy to all of our lives. Now, I know the sacrifices Jennie and Cory made being parents at a young age, and it may not have been at an ideal time, but I am completely convinced that God had His hand in the whole thing. Riley brought our family together, my Grandma (lovingly known as G.G. which stands for great grandma) adored her right up until she passed, Jennie and Cory quickly matured into amazing parents because of her...The first time I held Riley, I immediately loved her. Well, I loved her before she was even born, but there's something very different about actually holding your niece in your arms for the first time. I never knew I could love a child that much. Goodness, if I love Riley that much and she isn't even my own child, I can't even imagine the love I will feel for my own.

Then last summer Jennie and Cory were married, and I can honestly say that it was one of the best days of MY life! It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to, the most fun wedding, and a wonderful celebration of love between two of my favorite people in the world.

God has used Jennie, Cory, and Riley to shape who I am today.

Week 44: A Week to Celebrate Me!

Guess what this Friday is... If you guessed my birthday, you are correct! Can you guess how old I will be? Note to self: don't ever let a child guess. Last time I did, they said "40!" Not really a self-esteem boost : ) I will be 25 years old. 25. A quarter of a century. Wow.

A lot has happened in these 25 years of my life- a lot of huge accomplishments, a lot of mistakes, a lot of let downs, a couple broken hearts, a lot of wonderful surprises, millions of blessings....I write this post, and it's hard to believe that I am already 25 years old. And, I'm kind of fighting back tears (let's be honest, this is no surprise to those who know me) as I praise God for the wonderful life that He has given to me. Gosh, how stinking blessed am I to have had such amazing experiences, awesome opportunities, an outstanding Christian College education, seriously the best friends a girl could ask for, a wonderful loving family who supports me in everything that I do....I have soo much. Such a full life.

I will be honest and say that this birthday will be a little hard for me, just because I'm not home. I've been a bit homesick this past week. This is the first birthday that I am away from home and not celebrating with my family and friends back home. BUT I am excited to spend the weekend with new friends, great people whom God has brought into my life. Yet another blessing!

This week, I want to look back on my life and blog about different events that have shaped who I am today and just moments in life that stick out for one reason or another. AND if you're reading this and can think of some moments in life that we've shared together, I would LOVE to read those! It would be a wonderful birthday present to me! Write a comment, so we can remember together : )

Today, I'll talk about college. I've been thinking a lot about college lately, probably because I am leading a college ministry here at the corps. College was such an amazing experience for me for many reasons. I made some amazing friends there. I met my very best friend in college, I met a group of gals in college who will be life long friends, I found The Salvation Army in college, it was in college when I worked at a camp during the summer that I was saved...so many wonderful things. I'd say one of the most transforming times was when I was an RA (Resident Assistant) for the first time- my sophmore year in college. Oh man, I ran into pretty much every problem/situation in the book. In fact, I could probably write my own book about my experiences as an RA. As crazy and tough it was, I LOVED it. I seriously loved the girls on my floor, I had an amazing RD, wonderful co-RA's, friends who lived on the floor with me in order to support me during that year...God used that year to challenge me, grow me, mature me, and all of this led to me accepting Christ that summer at a camp. This picture was taken on my birthday my sophmore year of college. It was actually a really tough weekend- many problems on my floor and in the midst of it all, I had to go on a camping trip with all of West Hall. I figured no one remembered my birthday, but then all of a sudden one of my fellow RA's brought out boxes of cupcakes and everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It was simple, yet just what I needed to feel loved at that moment.

I am in a MASSIVE amount of debt now because of college, but I would never trade it back. Each of the four years of college holds a special place in my heart. Frolicking around with blankets on our heads to surprise a friend, sledding down a tiny hill on pieces of card board, sliding down a super soapy slip 'n slide, creating a "turd popsicle," making up code names for certain people, beach and jungle themed pranks in rival halls, Trollstock....memories that won't be forgotten. Gosh, I am blessed.

Week 43: A Week to Zumba

It's been a while, huh? It seems as if "A Week to Recuperate" turned into a couple weeks to recuperate! As always, a lot has happened in a short amount of time, including but not limited to an appendicitis scare, Hurricane Irene, Vacation Bible School with 20 very energetic kids, a broken down bus, my first sermon at Quincy Temple Corps, a visit from a friend from Chicago, an attempted break in to the building, almost getting mauled by a police dog, and a successful break in to the church van. Crazy, huh?

I won't go into depth for all of these events, but I will be honest and say that it was a difficult week for me. There was just a lot of stuff going on. With my stomach pain I wasn't able to run except for two times this week and that was frustrating. I felt myself slipping back into old unhealthy habits, but the difference this time is that I recognized it, and it will NOT continue this week. Also, maybe it's because of all of the weddings that have happened in the last year or maybe the fact that I live by myself, but my desire to be in a relationship and be married has been growing- more on this topic next week. It's actually all very funny because my sermon was about how focusing on God can break through the "static" in our lives- static meaning all of the things that bombard our minds like fear, doubt, sin, worry about the future, financial problems, relationship issues, etc. I pointed out that the way to do this was through clinging to God's promises, prayer, and memorizing scripture to combat the enemy. That's exactly what I'm doing this week, although that isn't my official goal for the week.

This week is going to be a fun one! Since I've started losing a bunch of weight, working out, and training for the 5K, I've really been enjoying being active. Being active makes me feel so much better not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. One week I want to make it a goal to go hiking which I've never done before. Also, I want to re-learn how to ride a bike- I'll explain later. But this week, I want to do Zumba. I've never done it before, and I hear that it's a blast. My Weight Watchers leader RAVES about it each and every week. She loves it and tries to convince us each week to go and try it, so this week I will! It's going to be a bit out of my comfort zone, that's for sure. Dancing in front of people makes me a little self-conscious, but I just need to get over it and have some fun, right?! I'm planning on going to Bayshore Athletic Club this week to check it out. I will let you know how it goes!

Week 42: A Week to Recuperate

Hey, friends! It's been awhile, I know! It has been an action packed couple weeks, that's for sure. Don't worry- I'll fill you on in everything : )

Last week, I had the privilege of doing some ministry with some amazing people in Old Orchard Beach, Maine. The Salvation Army in the Eastern Territory takes a week out of the summer every year and heads to Old Orchard Beach where they run camp meetings, pier ministry, and beach bible studies. It truly is amazing. This year I was asked to be part of the pier ministry, specifically part of the Spiritual Readings tent. I was on a team with a group of young adults from the War College in Vancouver, Canada. Basically, the War College is a year or two of practical ministry, living in community, doing street evangelism, taking classes, and so much more. It was so great to work with this group. Each member was amazing, and God did some pretty amazing things. The Spiritual Readings tent was set up on the pier and was a space where people could come and receive prayer. A person would come in and we'd explain that we weren't psychics who read people's palms (there was a psychic reading place right down by us), but instead we were a group of Christians who believe that God speaks and wants to reveal Himself. God spoke to us using scripture, visions, words....The week was such an amazing experience, and I was so blessed to be part of it. God taught me a lot about my giftings and even though I was so exhausted at the end of the week, it was a wonderful exhaustion if that makes sense. (The above picture is the team that I spent the week with)

So I was there for a week and this past Friday, I left from Old Orchard Beach to Portland, Maine where I had a flight at 5:30AM (left for the airport at about 3am- slept about 30 minutes that night) which took me to New York for a 3 hour layover, which then took me to Chicago! My friend Danielle picked me up (Thanks, Danielle!!), I brought her to Wisconsin so that I could borrow her car, went shopping for a bachelorette party I was planning for that night, headed to Blue Island, IL for the rehearsal dinner and set up, set up for the bachelorette party and had a great time. That Friday was insane- 4 different states in less than 12 hours.

Saturday I was a bridesmaid in Neisy and Robbie's wedding. It was a lot of fun, and I was so happy to be part of their special day! Then after the wedding, so at about midnight, I met up with some teens from my youth group that I led. It was so amazing to see them. They are growing up so fast!!

Sunday I spent time with my family. I just love them so much. It's hard coming home for such short trips, but even seeing them for 24 hours makes it worth it. Monday I met Lena Marie Neth and was able to spent time with the Neth family. I loved every minute of it. Then Monday night I went out with Jen for her birthday. It was just like old times.

So now that you know what has been going on in my life, you will understand why this week is "A Week to Recuperate." Don't get me wrong, I have loved the chaos in my life lately. It's been full of people who I love dearly, amazing experiences...I mean, how many people get to travel wherever God leads? SUCH a blessing. As I sit here though, back in Quincy, I find myself nodding off every once in a while....I'm tired. I'm so full right now, full of gratitude and awe at how amazing God is, how much He loves me and blesses me.

This week I am going to rest, process through everything that's happened in the last couple weeks and enjoy being full.

Week 41, Part 2: More Extreme Couponing

So....I need more time to devote to this couponing. I have talked to a few of you, and I know that you are excited about this week because you also want to learn how to do it. I've decided to focus more on that this week because it kind of takes some time to start off. Here's what I've found so far thanks to my lovely friend Jen who I talked about in the last blog. She's great at this and has a lot of practice with couponing. Here's what she's told me:

1. Go to this website called The Frugal Girls. It's a great website that will show you coupons to use, freebies, different deals, different stores coupon policies (some stores will double coupons on a certain day of the week), crafts, recipes, different party ideas, etc. It's an awesome website and helps lead you through couponing. Go and check it out.

2. Jen told me to get a binder and some of those baseball card holders to put in the binder. She has this binder where she puts all of her coupons in order by category. For example: "frozen foods," "personal hygiene," "breakfast," etc. So when she's collecting her coupons, she'll find the category and put it in the binder. Carry the binder with you to the grocery store that way if you see a good deal, you can pull a coupon and make it even better!

3. Also, check out this book called "Pick Another Checkout Lane, Honey." I found another blog that does a review, and you can check it out here. There's also a link on that page where you can order the book from Amazon. Basically, it's a book that talks about different couponing techniques. I'm waiting for my book in the mail!

4. Also, you can go to Facebook and "like"the page "Frugal Living and Having Fun!" They will show you different coupons and great deals. Click here to head to that group.

5. I'm starting my collection of coupons by printing them off the Internet (go to that Frugal Girls website for starters) and cutting them out of the paper (you can pick up a Sunday paper that has all the coupons on Saturday evening).

That's it for today, but I'll keep you posted on whatever else I find!

Week 41: A Week of Extreme Couponing

Hey, everyone! Welcome to a Week of Extreme Couponing! I am excited about this week, but I honestly have no idea where to start. I have seen Extreme Couponing before, and I am always AMAZED at how much money people can save, but they are also buying bulk. With me living by myself, not sure how this will work, but I am dedicated to trying to figure it out. Money is tight like usual, so if I can figure something out and save money on groceries and other random items, I am totally for it!

Here's my plan of action:
1. Do research online about couponing. A lot of it.
2. Talk with my friend Jen, who is a couponing Queen. Seriously, she will call me and tell me that she bought $100 worth of stuff for like $8. She's a genius, so I'm hoping she can lead me in the right direction.

That's pretty much all I have for now. As I research and find stuff out, I'll share it with you guys this week. My goal: to be an Extreme Couponing Queen!

Here's where I'm starting, so feel free to check out the TLC "Extreme Couponing" website with me! And like always, if you have some insights on this week's goal, then please send them my way!

A Brief Intermission

Hello, friends! I have obviously not posted in about a week and a half. It seems as if time as flown and stood still at the same time. Weird, I know. I hope you all are doing well and enjoying summer. I here it's been crazy hot back home in Chicago, but the temp here in MA has been quite nice. I've been loving it!

So since it's already Wednesday night, I'm not going to start a goal for this week- especially since I'm excited for my next goal (sneak peak: A Week of Extreme Couponing). I've decided instead to do a brief intermission post. I feel like it's coming at a great time because I want to share with you some things that have been happening in my life that are not necessarily related extreme couponing or some of the other goals that are coming up. I have been extremely blessed in the last week or so for multiple reasons which I am about to tell you. If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know that God and faith is a huge part of my life, and so I look at these blessings as coming from God. Now, I know that God loves me. It's something I know like I know that 2 + 2= 4 (or 5 if you've read 1984 by George Orwell). Don't get me wrong- I've definitely felt God's love before, but sometimes I don't. That absolutely doesn't mean that He doesn't love me. Any way, back to the point. This past week, God has been showing me very clearly that He is an intentional God and a loving God. Here are some examples:

1. I believe it was last Thursday, I tweeted the author of the study I have been going through saying that the next day was my last day and that I'd be starting his next book. I told him that the study was life changing (see Week 27: A Week to Die). Honestly, I didn't think anything of the tweet. At the very most I thought he might see it and be blessed knowing that God was working through him like crazy. A few hours later, I get a direct message from him with his number and he said to give him a call. I did, and I ended up be encouraged by him for finishing the fast and the book. Then before we ended the conversation he asks if he can pray for me. How amazing is that? For real. Even know as I write this, tears come to my eyes because that was such a HUGE blessing for me. HUGE. Then a couple days later I start his new book, Glory Revealed, and the first chapter is about how God's glory is revealed through quieting love- those moments where you just feel completely loved and cared for by God, your Father. He says something about thinking of a time when you were just left speechless because of something that happened that screamed God's love for you. How ironic is it that the moment for me would be when the author writing this prayed for me and encouraged me? Gosh, what an amazing God I serve.
   


2. I come into work a few days ago, when a co-worker approaches me with a card of encouragement and $50 worth of Walmart gift cards. She makes me promise that I won't spend on anything but myself. Little did she know, I've been extremely short on money. Again, how amazing?
   


3. On 4th of July, I went with some friends from church to Boston to hear the Boston Pops and see the fireworks. This is a HUGE event with tons of people. It was such a cool experience. On the way to find a spot to camp out on as we waited for all the festivities, I fell. I kind of tripped off a curb and fell rolling my ankle. Not good. I kind up and continued walking, but with a limp. As the day progresses, my ankle swells and becomes more painful. I am now limping a lot and walking slow. I ask my friends to pray over my foot, and so in the middle of this event, we all pray. At the end of the night as we're walking back to the train to get home, I just wanted to cry. Why? Because a hurt ankle meant that I wouldn't be able to train for my 5K and workout like I have consistently been doing. That was actually the first thought that entered my mind after falling. But every time fear or doubt entered my mind, I brushed it off and trusted that God has it under control and that I would wake up and be able to work out. Let me tell you friends, it wasn't looking too good. But guess what. I woke up the next morning and praise God, my ankle was fine. It was sore, but I was able to do the elliptical that day AND today I ran. Amazing.
   


4. Yesterday, I get in my car and head to the store to get some stuff for a program starting up this week at work. I've been having a hard time with my car since I've gotten here. I have been putting quite a bit of money into it, and it's been a bit frustrating. I get what I need from the grocery store, and as I'm coming out, I here a man ask another guy for jumper cables, but that guy doesn't have any. As I'm walking back to my car, I know that I have jumper cables in my trunk but the selfish part of me doesn't want to help the guy. But I help anyway. I head over to the guy and we hook the cables up. As I'm sitting in my car waiting for the guy's car to start, my car starts overheating. Great. So I head down the street back to work, and in the 90 degree weather, bring big jugs of water out to my car to fill it. I go to pull the lever that opens my hood, then go to pull on the hood and it doesn't open. I do this about 3 or 4 more times and start to get frustrated and just want to cry. It had been a rough day, I was home sick, etc. I remember saying to God, "God, please. Can't something just be easy for once?" Ridiculous, right? After all that God has been doing. All of a sudden as I pray those words, a guy walks up to me and says, "Do you need a hand?" I have no idea where he came from. I say "yes," and he says, "You pull the lever and I'll lift the hood." We do this and the hood opens right away. I thank him, and he walks away. I filled my car while praising God for helping me.

I am so blessed. Oh my goodness, it just astounds me how God has been going above and beyond to show me He loves me and is taking for me. When I think I'm alone, He shows me He's right there with me. When I'm feeling discouraged, He shows me that He's proud of me.

I share all of these happenings with you for a couple reasons. First, this is my life. This is what God is doing, and I just want to share that. Also, the same God who showers His love on me, loves you too. AND there are things He does to show His love for you, but you may be missing it or passing it off as a random happening, a coincidence when actually it's God wanting to draw you close to Himself. I don't really know what more to say other than God is good, and I'm so unbelievably loved.

I will post again on Sunday. Be watching for Week 41: A Week of Extreme Couponing!

Week 40: A Week of Water

Hello, friends! Welcome to week 40! Re-cap of last week: It was a great week, and this past weekend was amazing. I think I've finally found content in being by myself as well as in being with others. I went to see a movie with a friend this past Friday, and then Saturday I spent mostly by myself. But I love every minute of my Saturday. I went to the Quincy Flag day parade. I got there really early and found my spot where I read and did devotions before the parade started. Then after the parade, there were fireworks. I LOVE fireworks. It was just a beautiful, peaceful day. I was very content.

This past Sunday after Teen Night, I took one of the teens home. It was a beautiful night, so after I dropped her off, I took an impromptu drive over to the beach. My goodness, it was the perfect night-nice and cool, the sunset was beautiful, and the view of the water was amazing. That night I knew that this week would be focused on water somehow.

This week is very simple. Quincy is honestly the perfect location. I am minutes away from Boston, within walking distance of the "T" which is like the "L" in Chicago. Also, there is water everywhere. I can drive or walk to a beach which I wasn't able to do in Chicago. I feel like I need to take advantage of that! This week my plan is do simply be by water. For example, last night I went to Wollaston Beach right after my workout. I read, did devotions, memorized scripture, just sat there soaking in the view, listening to some music, etc. I was there for about 3 hours. I watched the sun set. It was amazing. I'm reading a book called "Can you Hear Me?" It's a book about tuning in and listening to God who is already speaking. I read some of the book last night, and I did some of the exercises that go with it. God spoke clearly. It's amazing what happens when you actually take the time to listen. The author talked about God using every day situations to speak to us, and so I paused and thought about what God might be trying to say to me. Then pretty quickly, the thought came to me that there was significance in what I had done last night. I had come to the beach, spent time with God, waiting for the sunset and when I saw that sunset, it was beautiful. I felt God saying to be, "Wait on me, for my perfect timing, and you will see and experience something beautiful." There is a lot that I'm waiting on God for, so this was such an encouragement to me. Any way, all this to say: I'm really looking forward to a peaceful week at the beach with God.

I will do my best to upload pictures at the different beaches I go to this week. Part of my goal is to go to a different beach or wharf every day. I took this picture last night. Beautiful, right?

Week 39: A Week to Be Content

Hey, everyone! What a week and a half it's been! Last week was awesome. For real, it was life changing. I am doing so well. There are still things here and there that I have trouble with, but that's life, right? My perspective and outlook has changed, I am confident that God has everything under control, and I know that He's doing something pretty amazing in my life right now. I love it. I'm still doing "A Call to Die." I just finished the 24th day of the study, and I'm still loving it.

I was thinking earlier today that this blog has made an interesting turn. For the most part, I had a plan of how these weeks would go, but almost every week has changed. It's been a lot about me and working through my own personal stuff inside, which is great but different than I expected. These goals for the weeks haven't been as tangible as I thought, but I still love it. I have learned so much in these 39 weeks. It's crazy to think about where I was 39 weeks ago...so much has changed. Many things I miss, but there are others things that I'm grateful have changed.

I have a hard time living in the moment, being content with where I'm at. I have this annoying tendency to think I should be doing more or should be doing less, never really taking the time to appreciate where I'm at. I don't really ever look at myself and think "Well done, Amanda" which I know isn't good. First of all, anything good is because of God's grace so in a sense it's not really me doing them. I'm obedient because of God's grace. I think too often I'm hard on myself, when God is just so proud of me. Does this make sense?

This week, I am going to be content with where I'm at in this season of my life. I'm going to view myself as God does, and I know that He is just so proud of me, like a father is proud of his daughter. I'm going to challenge you to do the same. There can be so much craziness around us, things we think we need to work on about ourselves, things we need to get accomplished...it's so easy to live day to day without enjoying it- without taking a look at your life at the end of the day and being grateful, being content with where you are in life and with what God is doing. This is kind of what this whole blog is about. This week I'm not going to be hard on myself. I'm going to rejoice in my obedience which is only by God's grace.

I know that a lot of my readers have different views about God, and honestly, I didn't think that this "Seize the Week" blog would be this centered around God, but I hope that you all have enjoyed reading through these posts, getting to know who I am, my struggles, my joys. I hope that you've been challenged and will continue to be challenged as we finish these last weeks. You all are great and such a support!

P.S. I've been trying to comment in response to all of your wonderful comments, but for some reason I'm having a hard time doing that...I'll keep trying!
P.P.S I took the picture at Panera. I wanted to share my favorite spot with you. I love to go to Panera and do my reading and devotions. The picture is my set up, including my favorite low fat black cherry smoothie : )

Week 38: A Week to Claim a Breakthrough

Hey, friends! Welcome to Week 38. First I want to give you an update on my life: The study I'm going through which is "A Call to Die" (see week 37) is going very well. I love it. I highly recommend it to anyone out there who is ready and willing to get closer to God, to do some serious soul searching, and to be challenged in a hard but amazing way.

Since this is the first time that I've made a big move like this, from Chicago to Boston, I really have nothing to compare it to. I find myself still missing home, wanting to go back, yet knowing that God has me here for a reason and that I need to trust Him. It's a crazy battle, believe me. I think about my friends Lisa, Amber, Rebecca, Meghan, Colleen, Everett, and a ton of other people who have made big moves, so I know that I'm not alone in that. Still the days are so up and down that sometimes I think I'm crazy! Plus, things are a little chaotic here with my bosses being sent to another Salvation Army and random other happenings that aren't ideal. I've been fighting off some depression and have fallen into it for a bit, but I see God slowly dragging me out of it, and I'm so grateful. It's one of those things where I know that no matter how lonely I get, God is with me, but sometimes it's hard to take that and have it be enough. I know that I try to be satisfied with junk and not God, and that will never work. Day 14 of my study was called "Too Full to Eat?" It was this eye opening chapter that God used to move me to action. I will summarize for you:

There is this guy Chris who served at The House of the Dying in Calcutta. Basically, Chris and the team went out onto the streets, picked people up who were dying, and brought them to this home where they would have a place to die with dignity. The workers loving and gently cared for these people. Chris would do just about anything, but he really didn't like to take out the garbage. These bags of garbage contained clothes stained with rotten flesh, hair shavings, used syringes, and scraps from the previous night's dinner. The first time Chris took out the garbage, kids came running up to the bag, tearing it open to look for scraps of food. And the kids at the food. Out of the disease filled garbage bag.

Gross, right? And that was only a summary...any way, the point was this: David Nasser writes, "Disturbing image, isn't it?! But in all honesty, how far are we from this spiritually? Can you see yourself feasting at the dumpster of this world?" Quite convicting, huh? We eat this "rotten food" every time we let ourselves be polluted by sin, by watching things we shouldn't, by gossiping, by putting others down, and "every time we try to put other things in God's place in our hearts." Needless to say, I read that day's chapter and couldn't help but to change some things in my life.

I woke up the next morning and went to work out. I am eating right, and I've decided to do my best to go to God for everything- when I'm upset and just want to go home, when I am lonely, when something great happens.

I know that a big part of me coming here to Quincy was so that God could really work on me, and believe me, He's been doing a lot. I refuse to leave this place without soaking up everything that God has for me here. I refuse to leave here and not go back home a transformed person. This summer is going to be a breakthrough in Amanda Keene's life. And this week, I am claiming that. With God's help, sin will be uprooted and thrown out and will be replaced with joy! I will walk in obedience which will lead to victory and freedom! The words of the song "Freedom" which Tanesha would sing at In-Fyuz keeps running through my head...

"I wanna lift my hands higher than before
I wanna love you more than before (oh!)
I wanna worship deeper than before
I've gotta shout louder...(oh!)

No more shackles, no more chains, no more bondage
I am free, yeah
No more shackles, no more chains, no more bondage
I am free, yeah
No more shackles, no more chains, no more bondage
I am free, yeah"

Oh, friends....just wait for it- I can already feel it....

This week is simply going to be moving forward with these changes, getting back on God's track for my life, and claiming that breakthrough in my life. As always, prayers are very very appreciated.

Week 37: A Week to Die

To describe the last two weeks, I would use two words: wonderful chaos. The last two weeks, I had visitors- first, my family and then friends from college and The Salvation Army. It was wonderful. I love my family so much, and it was so nice to spend a few days with them. Even my niece came. My goodness, she is growing up fast. I can remember being in the hospital waiting to see her for the first time…Now she’s a beautiful little girl, running full force into this crazy world we live in. We went on a Duck Tour (for those of you who would like to come to Boston, it’s one of those things you just have to do), went to some museums, played Apples to Apples (even Riley), and just enjoyed each other’s company. It was great. Then the day my family left, four friends came to visit: Danielle, Nate, Linda, and Tamara. That night the 5 of us, plus another friend Dave went out to eat at this place called “Fat Cat.” I think it was one of my favorite nights in Quincy so far. The place was awesome, and I had amazing friends around me- people who know me in and out and love me anyway. It was as if I could breathe again, and I felt “me” being released. Now, I want to stop here and say that I love Quincy. I love the people that I have met here, and I know that these types of genuine relationships happen over time. I hope that by the time I leave Quincy to head back to Chicago, I will have made these types of friends right here. It’s just not there yet. More about this later…

During my friends’ visit, there were many times I thought to myself. “How did we get here, God?” Danielle, Linda, my friends Colleen and Anita, and then myself were my group of friends in college. We’ve been through so much together, we’ve seen each other’s ugly sides, and experienced many joys in life together. I mean, we’ve truly shared life together. These girls are my sisters. In college, what we knew was constant in life was God and each other. I don’t think that has changed, but we are in such different places today. Danielle is married and finishing up school to be an Optometrist. Colleen who is all the way in Alaska as a nurse, is also married. Anita is in Med school, and she’s currently taking classes in Miami, Florida. Linda just graduated with her Masters in Psychology, is looking for a job, and has been through hell and back. And I’m here in Quincy, MA working for a Salvation Army. Crazy. We are all apart and finding friends where we are at, but we will always be sisters; we’ll always be connected. Sorry, I just had to share my thoughts. Change is one of those things that always throws me off, and it takes me a bit to process through. I guess the answer to the questions I posed at the beginning of this paragraph would simply be “God.” Tamara is a friend of Linda’s from grad school, and I didn’t know her before this trip, but God used her in great ways to speak truth into my life. As my friends headed back to Chicago, I felt at peace. I think it took a few visitors to help me see that I can do this. I can live by myself, I can take on this challenge from God, and I will turn out a better person for it.

This brings me to this week’s goal. This week is called “A Week to Die.” Side note that is related to the topic: I can see how many people view my blog. Thank you all, by the way, for reading. Something I found really interesting was that I had the most readers, by far, during “Identity Week.” I mean, the amount of people who have read that week’s posts is quite incredible, and I started to wonder why. This may sound silly, but we all have something in common: the fact that we go through life, and it’s hard. The end. We all have struggles of some kind, we all have at one point or another wondered about our identity and what that actually was, we all have things inside/outside of us that we wish wasn’t there or was there. I think that this week will be a little like Identity week in the sense that I am digging deep into who I am and then sharing some of that with you.

My best friend Lisa (I wish all of you had a best friend like her) told me about this book called “A Call to Die” by David Nasser. It’s “a 40 day journey of fasting from the world & feasting on God,” and Lisa went through it and said that it was life changing. So I ordered the book, and I decided that I would check it out. When it got here, I picked it up, opened it up, and immediately knew that this guy wasn’t joking around. Right before the book starts with Day 1, it reads: “Lord Jesus, I am responding to the call to die to my selfish desires because I want to really live. I know I cannot do this on my own. I want to know you, love you, and serve you with all my heart. I make this commitment to spend at least an hour each day for the next forty days to read, pray, think, memorize, and respond to your direction. As a symbol of my commitment to you, for the next forty days I will fast from: ________________________________ so that I may have greater focus and have the time to hear from you more clearly.” And then it gives you a place to sign and date.
Everything in that covenant rings true for me. I have crap in my life, sin, that I fall to time and time again, and I hate it because it hurts God. I don’t want it any more. I consistently put other things in front of God in my life which is idolatry. I know I’ve shared this before, but putting food before God is something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember, and I seriously want that gluttonous root to be pulled out of me. I’m finding comfort and intimacy through food when I should be finding that in God. I too often fall into temptation, and that’s not leading to a holy life. I confess this to you because I want it brought out into light, but also to let you know that you’re not alone if this is something you’re going through too.

I can’t be ok with this sin, so this week I’m starting this study for 40 days. I’m committing to taking an hour each day to spend with God. I decided to fast from movies/TV and secular music. Since I’ve moved here, I’ve spent a lot of time watching movies and catching up on my favorite TV series on Hulu. I’ve been wasting too much time on this, and I felt God pointing at that when I prayed about what to fast from. Plus, so many movies and TV series are filled with sex and violence which causes big temptations.

So that’s what’s up! For those of you who have my number, I’d appreciate accountability when you think about it. I would REALLY appreciate prayers during this week and the rest of the 40 days. As I feel led, I will update my blog and let you know what God’s showing me and telling me.

Week 36: A Week of History

I'm just going to start this week's entry with some honesty. Last week sucked. It's plain and simple. It was really really hard. I wanted to go home, and I'm not even exactly sure why. Two weeks ago, the Polanco Family was here, and it was so nice to have them here with me. Then they left a week ago, and I was kind of a mess. Three weeks ago, I had a good routine going- working out, training for my 5K, eating right, doing my devotions daily, etc. Then the last two weeks, my routine has gone down the drain, I've been feeling pretty down, and I'm just plain frustrated with myself because I just can't seem to get back on track. Plus I have about a million thoughts running through my mind constantly: Why am I here? Am I ever going to find someone? Why can't things just be easy sometimes? Why am I so lonely? I am just tired all around- emotionally, physically, mentally. I know that Satan is trying to get me down.

Ever have those seasons in your life? Please tell me I'm not the only one...

BUT I know that I won't be in this place forever. I think that we all want things to be easy, right? It's better that way, less painful. I know that this season in my life may be really painful, but I trust that God will use it to make me even more like Him. Prayers are really appreciated during this time.

Even through all of this, God is good. I've been able to do some exploring around Boston, seeing some of the historic areas, and I've loved it all! Here's the thing: I feel like I wasn't exactly paying attention in elementary school through high school in my history classes. As I go to these different places- the U.S.S. Constitution, the site of the Boston Tea Party, Paul Revere Park- I wish I could recall more of the history of it all. I know that I would appreciate it even more.

Today I went to the library in Quincy for the first time. It was AMAZING. Three floors of tons of books, and the building is so beautiful. I know that I will be there a lot from now on. I got two history books that I plan on reading this week to brush up on some American History. I think it's important to know, and I'm actually really excited to read through it. I've walked the same streets and paths that some really important people in history have walked, and I want to know more about their experiences! Now, hopefully I can get through these books. As I walked around the library, I was thinking that it would be super awesome if there was some type of graphic novel that went through history. I'm all about pictures. I'm kind of like a kid in a way! But these books don't seem to bad : ) So here's to the start of a week of History!

Week 35: Polanco Family Week

Hello everyone! How was everyone's Easter? Did God reveal Himself to any of you? I'd love to hear if He did! I sure did pray for all of you : )

This week is Week 35, and I am writing this a little late in the week but only because this week has been jam packed with fun and quality time with the Polanco Family. Josh and Jen Polanco are the pastors at The Salvation Army in Blue Island, IL where I began to go after I was saved in 2007. Actually, when I first started going, the building was in Mt. Greenwood, IL but then about a year ago they built a Salvation Army in Blue Island. I worked there at the corps for about a year, ran the youth group (In-fyuz) for about 3 1/2 years, and met my amazing Blue Island corps "family" whom I love and miss dearly. I have lived with the Polancos before, and they are like family. I love each and every one of them. Jen is one of my best friends- it's really amazing how much alike we are.

A couple weeks ago, Josh called me up and told me that there was a possibilty that the family would be coming to Boston for a short short before heading to Puerto Rico. Thank goodness that going to Puerto Rico was too expensive because they decided not to go and to spend their vacation with me instead!!

This week I'm very simply enjoying time with the Polanco Family. We've done a ton of sightseeing, a ton of walking, and a lot of just sharing life together- something I really miss about my Blue Island community. Here are some pictures of the week so far. Looking forward to the last couple days with them, then I'll be sad to see them go but so grateful for the wonderful time spent with them!

Week 34: Holy Week

Hello, friends! Can you believe that it's already week 34? Gosh, time has flown. Last week ended up going well. I feel like I'm getting out more, doing more, hanging out with people more, and that's a really great thing. I've also been having plenty of time for myself. Is it possible that I may have found balance??? I think so! If you know me even a little bit, you know that balance is always something that I have a hard time with, so the fact that I feel pretty balanced at this point is quite amazing. Praise God! To sum up last week, I'm still waiting to hear back from that guy who works at the teen homeless shelter, I'm looking into an art class at a community art center, and always looking for more places to explore!

This week is very simple. This week is "Holy Week," as it is the week leading up to Easter. I know that those of you reading this come from different backgrounds and different traditions, but for me, this week as always meant so much to me. I grew up in the Catholic church, and I always looked forward to Holy Week. We went to church for Holy Thursday (where some people would get their feet washed by the priest-now that I look back, I think that's an awesome tradition), Good Friday (veneration of the cross), Easter Vigil (a beautiful night service which included a lot of candles and a joyous celebration), and then Easter Sunday. Also, throughout lent my family and I used to go to Stations of the Cross every Friday night and then out for cheese pizza since we couldn't eat meat. When I think about the Catholic church, I think that they have a lot of things right when it comes to lent. As I write this, I wish I would have taken the time to find a church that did stations of the cross because even though back then, I just did things because I knew I should, I think now they would mean so much to me.

There is this band from The Salvation Army's central territory called "The Singing Company," and they are wonderful. They do great music, but they are also amazing individuals who seek after God with all their heart. They just recorded a CD with another band called "Families," and this CD just came out called "Holy Week." It's wonderful because you can go to their website here, and they have put together scripture and devotions that go along to the songs on their CD for Holy Week. I am following this for Holy Week, and I would encourage you guys to do the same.

Friends, I know that not all of you who follow this blog believe in God. I know that many are skeptical, many have been hurt by the church, many have experienced things so painful that you just can't understand how if God was real, He would have allowed them to happen- there are a ton of reasons that could be keeping you from accepting that Jesus died on the cross for your sin, my sin, everyone's sin. I challenge you during this week to let God in- even if it's just to say, "Hey God. If you're there, make yourself known to me. Help me to see you in my life." Doesn't have to be some long, dramatic speech if you don't want it to be. I believe that God wants to make Himself real to you. He wants you to know how much He loves you and that He died for you because of that crazy love that we probably won't ever fully understand. This week, this Holy Week, I'm dedicated to praying for YOU. Yep, you- the person reading this who is unsure, afraid, hesitant. I'm praying that God would make Himself so known to you that there would be NO WAY you could deny Him. I have faith that He'll do it.

If you are reading this and have more questions or would like me to pray for something more specific, please e-mail me at akeene9986@gmail.com