Topic #19: Your biggest fault

It's probably not great that I can think of a lot, so the hardest part is figuring out which one is the biggest. I would have to say my low self esteem because it causes the most issues within me, which then comes out in thoughts, words, and actions that many times effect the people I love. My low self esteem causes me to care too much sometimes and to work too hard because it's like I'm trying to make up for what I think I lack. Does that make sense? It causes jealousy within relationships because if a person chooses to hang out with someone else and not me, maybe they finally realized that I'm not good enough to invest time into. It's like I'm easily dispensible, and "out of sight, out of mind." It's ridiculous, I know. I am being brutally honest though. This definitely isn't my thought process all the time, but on bad days these thoughts and feelings creep up. My low self esteem causes me to play the comparison game, which is NEVER a good idea. I sit there and play this game where I compare myself with this person and that person, and I almost always lose.

How the heck did I ever get this way? I think about that often, and I'm really not sure. Well, it's Satan do his job: stealing, killing, and destroying. Most times I recognize the lies, and I'm able to fight them with God's strength but other times I give in and believe them. It can be so bad that I can be told how amazing I am and how beautiful I am over and over and over again, but there's a big part of me that doesn't believe it- that can't see it. Again, I'd say this is the biggest fault because it trickles down to every single part of my life and causes other issues such as overeating, depression, etc. It's like a cycle, but it will one day be broken.

I've learned in the past few years that things I once saw as a character flaw that was there to stay, are actually things that God can take out from the root and then heal. It can happen, and it will happen in my life. That was a lot to actually confess and say out loud to people, but I want to make it clear that God wants so badly to take that fault from me. I just need to daily give it to Him, and in return, take His perfect peace, unconditional love, and unending grace. And when I mess up and believe those lies, He's right there to comfort me and to pick me back up. God alone can take your biggest fault and turn it into something beautiful.