Week 27: A Week of Change

Hello, everyone! After 24 Hour Blog Day, I needed a couple days to recover : ) Plus, today was my grandma's wake, so we were all busy preparing for that. Thank you all for your support, prayers, for coming to the wake, for the encouragement....it's all very appreciated and has been a huge blessing.

So as I have shared with you guys, there's a lot of change happening in my life right now, and some of you may know that I do not deal very well with change. I am done at my job on the 18th, I just moved back to my parents' house after living on my own for 6 years, I have no idea where I will be working and when, and my grandma just passed away. Any time there is change, it is usually followed by some depression and a bumpy road for a while. A friend of mine suggested that I react in this way because I'm not prepared for what's coming. Maybe that's true. Whatever the reason, I've decided to try and prepare myself a little bit. Really, the change has already happened, but I don't think that it has sunk in yet.

This week is really pretty simple, but may be hard for me. Basically, each day I will take an aspect of my life that is going through change and face it head on. I tend to run away from facing change by being busy and distracted, but that obviously hasn't worked for me so far. My plan of action is to journal and pray through a part of my life that is going through change; find some scripture pertaining to that change, write it, and memorize it; find a friend that can pray for that specific area of my life. Make sense?

I guess today I'll start with the passing of my grandma. A lot of times, when a person passes away people say "He/She's in a much better place now." For some people, that statement is not helpful at all and for some it is. For me, it is very helpful. My grandma loved the Lord and had a relationship with Him, so I know that she went to heaven. There is absolutely no more suffering, no more pain, and while we were all crying over our loss, she was sitting there with Jesus, basking in His wonderful love and peace.

Now, here's where I am going to have a problem: Things keep running through my mind like, "Why didn't you spend more time with her? Why weren't you home more often? Why didn't you ask her to tell you stories or teach you lessons or ask for her advice?" I know that I shouldn't do that to myself, but it's hard not to. I hope that she knew how much I loved her, even if I didn't show it as much as I should have. I have definitely learned a whole lot from my grandma- the importance of family, of loving everyone you encounter, not to go to bed mad at someone because you'll never know if that person or you will wake up the next morning....those things she's taught me will live on, and I will pass those things to my children and so on.

My family put together picture boards for the wake, and today my mom told me that I looked like my grandma when she was my age. You guys, my grandma was beautiful! Breath takingly beautiful. I thought my mom was nuts. Then another women who was friends with my grandma said the same thing...maybe it's true, even though I don't see it. If I am half as beautiful as my grandma, I'd be happy! My prayer is that I will love people like my grandma did, that my family will experience peace and joy, that God will turn things around for my family. We've been through so much, Lord!

My memory verse: Psalm 18:2 "The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I take refuge." When I got home just a little bit ago from the wake, there were flowers waiting for me from my best friend, Lisa. God laid that verse on her heart, and she wrote it on the card with the flowers. I think it's a perfect scripture for right now.

See, I feel a lot better already : ) Whenever my mind starts to race with those questions, I will remember this verse- the truth that God is my strength and refuge!